John's Quest
by Abra de Winter
Summary: Disgraced former VP John Hoynes needs medical attention and discretion. He chooses to ask Ellie Bartlet's help and, in time, they become more than friends. Things got hot. The wedding is getting closer. Please read and review.
1. Default Chapter

**Working Title: John's Quest**

**By: Abra de Winter**

**Pairing**: John Hoynes/Ellie Bartlet - Romance

**Rating**: **PG**

**Beta By: dot**

**Disclaimer**: The characters are from the NBC, WB, Bravo, A John Wells Prod., TV show, 'The West Wing'.They are the creation of Aaron Sorkin.

**Feedback**: yes, please!

**Chapter I **

He staggered a little walking out of the bar. He pressed his bruised hand on his swollen lip and decided to postpone checking his ribs until he got in his car.

Why was he there?

A recovering alcoholic involved in a bar fight. However low he had fallen from the political scene, the press was definitely going to run the story if they got wind of it. Not to mention that the White House would love nothing more than seeing his name trashed after his suicidally stupid idea of writing a disclosure book.

John Hoynes lay back in the driver seat and closed his eyes thinking about all the things that could go horribly wrong after that fight.

He had every reason to be in a bar, God damn it!

Some months ago, he had lost the vice presidency and implicitly the party's nomination because his lover decided to get back at him publicly for being dumped in his feeble attempt to save his marriage. That had hurt like hell and he had desperately wanted to drink. The need was so intense that all he could do to stop himself was hang around the house until he got on Suzanne's nerves.

Despite the pain and the public ridicule, he did not give in to temptation. He did not drink. Instead, he took the first serious job offer that came his way. He worked hard, learning again to be just another high-priced corporate lawyer, burying his frustration in tons of legal papers and extinguishing his thirst by walking hundreds of miles through courts and legal offices.

Of course people kept talking beside his back, but at least to his face they were keeping an acceptable level of courtesy. He could ask for nothing more. Life had acquired a rhythm, an appearance of normality, when Suzanne had made herself heard. His wife made it clear that she had not sacrificed her youth promoting a spotless image to be married an ordinary lawyer.

For the first time in their twenty years of marriage, John listened to his wife and understood that she had fashioned herself and their family to become the First Family. Memories came flooding… Her concealed disappointment when he lost the nomination to the insignificant schoolteacher from New Hampshire… Her stifled doubts about his affairs... Her determination to win… Her silence following his failures…

The realisation that she would love him a lot more if he were the President of the United States made him do the most irresponsible thing he had done in over two decades.

Ten days earlier a ghost from his past had visited him. C.J. Cregg had come to dissuade him from writing the book. His pathetic attempt of full disclosure. It shocked him to hear C.J.'s interpretation of their night together. She thought she was just another one in a long line of women that passed through his bed.

_"Lots of them, right? Because the way you came on to me...way too smooth, way too practiced...."_

He could not tell her. She wouldn't believe him anyway. So he acted like the jerk she believed him to be. He apologized.

_"C.J., that was ten years ago, I am sorry…" _

If she lived ten years with the certainty that she had been just another one night stand, he had no way to change her mind. Yes, he had been smooth. He came on to her with the intensity given by overpowering desire. He had done everything perfect, not out of practice, but out of need. He was running for Senate for the first time and he risked his career to have her. When she left his room that morning, adamantly pretending nothing had happened, his heart shrunk two sizes.

There had been affairs after her, but he had been careful not to get emotionally involved ever again. He had been careful until he met Helen Baldwin. Helen, who reminded him of the C.J. he had had for one night. Helen, who was so much like his wife when they were first married. Helen, who had destroyed him.

Ten days ago he had come home, late as usual. He had told Suzanne, over a cup of tea and a sandwich, that he had changed his mind about writing the autobiography. There wasn't going to be any book. There wasn't going to be a political comeback. There wasn't going to be a fight to get the Democrat nomination.

Eight days earlier, Suzanne had packed and moved back to Texas with their son.

Earlier that day, at noon, he had been served with the divorce papers.

Was there any wonder he was in a bar?

He had run out of his office, barely able to ask his assistant to postpone all his appointments for the day. He used his last ounce of lucidity to drive to a neighbourhood where he was unlikely to be recognized. Southeast D.C. was not a safe choice for people like John Hoynes. Drugs, guns and gangs were the trademark of the neighbourhood.

Two hours later he was still sober. For two hours he had stared at the same glass of whisky, had drunk the bar's entire supply of orange juice, and had been blind to all female presence in the area.

Where had it gone wrong?

He couldn't really say.

All he remembered was a big guy coming towards him. A big drunk guy. The giant accused him of flirting with his girlfriend. Fifteen minutes later, John Hoynes was the last man standing. The offended boyfriend and his assorted entourage were sorting themselves out of the debris. John gave the bartender enough money to cover the damages and walked out, praying that no one had recognised him in the shadowy bar.

He was at the door when he felt that his lip was bleeding and his ribs were hurting.

He needed to see a doctor.

The press had sources in every hospital in the city.

Who could keep a medical condition secret?

He had been driving aimlessly for a while when the answer came out of nowhere.

The solution was so radical that he had a hard time believing it was actually safe.

Who could keep a secret?

A Bartlet.

****

* * *

Ellie Bartlet asked her secret service bodyguard to repeat.

"Mr. John Hoynes is here to see you, Dr. Bartlet. He says it's an emergency. Shall I let him in?"


	2. Chapter II

**Working Title: **John's Quest

**By: **Abra de Winter

**Pairing: **John Hoynes/Ellie Bartlet - Romance

**Rating: **PG

**Beta By:** **dot**

**Spoilers:** season 5 episodes 15 – "Full Disclosure" and 16 – "E pur si muove"

**Disclaimer:** The characters are from the NBC, WB, Bravo, A John Wells Prod., TV show, 'The West Wing'. They are the creation of Aaron Sorkin.

**Feedback: **yes, please!

**Chapter II**

The Bartlet he needed was forty-five minutes away. Dr. Eleanor Bartlet worked in Johns Hopkins University Medical Research Lab., as all America had found out when the Traditional Values Alliance had publicly labeled her research as "questionable".

Hoynes, who had done nothing but work and watch the news since Suzanne had left, knew this.

He had always disliked Jed Bartlet, and the mild dislike had turned to loathing in the past year. The more he despised him the more he learned about him, trying to understand his enemy, like the art of war advised. When it came to his family, the Yankee was quite predictable. Hoynes didn't need to be at the White House to know that after the media spectacle surrounding his daughter President Bartlet would make sure that the press would stay as far from his daughter as possible.

He was proven right when he saw the First Daughter's secret service escort by the elevator. He remembered the agent's face from the extensive footage the networks had shown when Ellie had run to daddy for protection. He smelled delighted the media-free air around the hospital. He concealed the self-satisfied smile as he addressed the agent and asked her if he could bother Dr. Bartlet for an emergency.

* * *

Ellie knew only one John Hoynes. The one the all of America knew. The disgraced former Vice President. An emergency? Had something happened to her family? To Leo? No. They wouldn't send Hoynes for something like that. She agreed to see him, curious and apprehensive at the same time.

She hadn't dealt with flesh and blood patients since she had finished Med School. She had been working exclusively with data, samples and analysis for a couple of years, but even for a practice-deficient scientist like her the problem was clear as soon as he entered the lab.

"Dr. Bartlet," he addressed her courteously, "I'm sorry to disturb you."

"Have a seat, Mr. Hoynes." She pointed to a chair and left the room.

She came back with a bag containing something frozen, and placed it on his left eye. The man recoiled a little at the first contact of his black eye with the cold package, but then sighed as the coolness began to soothe the pain.

"I think I understand why you're here, but I'd like to hear it from you."

"This is exactly what it looks like. I got in a fight, I need medical attention and I don't want to read about it in the papers."

"You are aware that I'm not an ER doctor, and in fact I don't even work with patients?"

"Yes. But you are a qualified physician. If there's something serious, you can spot it and I'll reassess my priorities. If it is really serious." He underlined the last words unnecessarily.

"Can you tell me what happened?" she asked, examining his forehead, trying to guess how bad the injury would have to be to make him risk another tidal wave of press attention.

"I got into a fight."

"Where else did you get hit? Except the face."

"I can't remember. It happened pretty fast."

He was answering the questions with political and legal precision. After the dozens of cross-examinations he had conducted as a lawyer and the hundreds of hearings and press conferences he had attended during his career, he was unable to answer otherwise.

"Where does it hurt?" She continued to extract information from him patiently while checking his skull.

"Just my head and ribs."

"Have you been drinking?" she asked, changing the succession of questions.

He took the bag off to look her straight in the eye as he answered.

"No."

"Good." She smiled, believing him, then turned the bag over and put it back. "Good," she said again, feeling his face with her fingertips.

John relaxed a little. The pain seemed to diminish under her touch.

"The head seems fine, but for the ribs you need an X-ray."

"Can't you guess? I don't want anyone to know I'm here, let alone the reason I'm here."

She hit his torso lightly, watching him. He winced in pain.

"I'm guessing your ribs are either broken or just cracked. You need an X-ray."

"I don't want anyone to know about this," he said in a tone that was explanation and request at the same time. "Your bodyguard, is she discreet?"

"Yes. Now let's…" She stood up and moved towards the door.

"This is covered by doctor – patient confidentiality, right?" he interrupted her, still sitting.

"I'm not a practicing physician, but I took the oath, too. Don't worry about that. Come on now! I know how you can get an anonymous radiography. I promise no one will know who you are. I have a colleague who's the perfect absent-minded scientist."

"I trust you," he said as an acceptance and followed her.

Ellie smiled, noticing his tone. He had said the words as if he were casting a spell. He was consenting and at the same time he was trying to chain her with his trust.

"Why?" She couldn't help torturing him a little.

"At this time, I'd rather trust my enemies than my friends," he said bitterly.

"I'm not your enemy, Mr. Hoynes. I may disagree with you. I may even dislike you, but I'm not your enemy. Give that to me." She reached for the melting package covering half his face.

"What was in there?" Hoynes asked when Ellie threw it in a garbage can before they left the laboratory.

"You don't want to know," she said, avoiding his searching gaze.

He followed her through the corridors of the research wing of the hospital wondering if he could trust her. Soon, Ellie stopped and knocked on a door. The muffled sound coming from the other side was not as welcoming as he might have wished, but he went in after her.

As soon as they entered, Hoynes stopped worrying whether she had lied to him or not. The person who had invited them in was bent over a microscope and resembled in every detail the Hollywood image of the air-headed scientist.

"What do you need, Bartlet?" the guy asked, vaguely recognizing Ellie as he looked up from his work.

"Hi, Mark. I need an X-ray."

He looked her up and down, seeming sharper now but still ignoring Hoynes's presence.

"Can I take pictures?"

"I don't think they would have any scientific value." She tried to look less amused than she really was. "I want an X-ray of his head and torso."

"Fine. I have a table." Mark said, and walked through a door at the back of his lab.

"A table?" Hoynes asked, bewildered.

"Well," she coughed, "you needed privacy, right?"

"Yeah…" he said hesitantly.

"Yeah… You see, the people who get X-rays here can't stand up…"

"Is this a morgue?" He cut through her hesitation.

"No," Ellie answered quickly. "It's a research facility that happens to work with dead people," she finished less assertively.

Hoynes walked after the absent-minded professor and Ellie did not follow them. Mark came out with the X-rays, while Hoynes was getting dressed again. She looked at them and was relieved to see he didn't have anything broken because she couldn't imagine winning a debate against him. If the guy had been scared enough about a possible press leak to drive from DC all the way to Baltimore, he wasn't liable to accept easily her suggestion that he needed serious medical assistance.

When he came out alone a few minutes later she informed him that he had only a thin crack in his ribs.

"So you should just take it easy for a while," she advised him.

"How can I thank you?"

"A huge, flashy flower arrangement would be nice," she said, looking unwillingly towards the corner of the lab, where Mark was hunched over a microscope.

Hoynes followed her gaze and turned on the charm out of habit.

"No one needs reminding how amazing you are."

"It can't hurt." She smiled, embarrassed as much by the compliment as by the fact that he had guessed.

"Thank you, Dr. Bartlet. Good bye."

"Take care, Mr. Hoynes."

He nodded and walked out.


	3. Chapter III

**Working Title: John's Quest**

**By: Abra de Winter**

**Pairing: **John Hoynes/Ellie Bartlet - Romance

**Rating: PG**

**Beta By:** **dot**

**Spoilers:** season 5 episodes 15 – "Full Disclosure" and 16 – "E pur si muove"

**Disclaimer:** The characters are from the NBC, WB, Bravo, A John Wells Prod., TV show, 'The West Wing'. They are the creation of Aaron Sorkin.

**Feedback: **yes, please!

****

**Chapter III**

1. Later that night – thinking about it…

Night was falling over Baltimore.

In her office, Ellie closed her eyes.

'Just for a minute,' she thought. The minute passed, and she found it difficult to open them again. 'One more minute,' she told herself, unwilling to stare at the words and numbers dancing in front of her eyes, and at the same time not wanting to leave before she had made some sense of the research work she had done that day.

The enormity of Hoynes's visit had shocked her profoundly, as well as puzzled her. So now she had two things she couldn't understand. The report didn't have to be ready for another couple of weeks, so the appearance of the former Vice President of the United States could not be ignored in favor of her work. Was it exactly what it seemed? Or was it part of some political maneuver against her father?

She thought about Hoynes's visit all the way to her apartment, she thought about it while she waited for the takeaway Chinese food to arrive, she thought about it while she brushed her teeth, and she could not stop thinking about it, even when she was in bed trying to get to sleep.

Why the hell had he come to her?

It didn't make any sense.

Why had he gotten into a fight?

She thought regretfully that she couldn't call Josh Lyman. When Ellie had met Josh, he was in Hoynes's team and he was her only acquaintance who could possibly know what was going on with Hoynes at the moment. If she called Josh, setting aside it was too late for such a call, there was no way she could steer the conversation to find out anything without Josh getting very suspicious.

She tried to analyze his visit. Maybe there wasn't anything more to it than met the eye. Maybe he didn't have a sinister ulterior motive. Maybe he was just paranoid about the press.

He would have made a spectacular President. If he had run against anyone except her father, Ellie would have supported him. However, the cards had been dealt differently. She remembered the first time she saw Hoynes on TV after her father had told the family he was going to run for President against the Texan senator. At that time John Hoynes was the favorite for the Democrat nomination, and Ellie couldn't help resenting this man she hardly knew, this man who had everything and was about to thrash her father in the race. The resentment started to fade when "Bartlet for America" proved a success and it had lessened to the point of pure indifference by the time Hoynes had been forced to resign.

The John Hoynes who had been in her office earlier that day was quite different from the arrogant Hoynes she had met before. It was the first time she had seen him as a person, not an icon of the Democratic Party.

He was still in great shape; the doctor in her admitted this in spite of the re-emerging daughterly resentment. When she had tapped his ribs, she couldn't help noticing that he did not have the flabby torso of a man in his late forties, but the firm muscles of a man in his prime.

She must be falling asleep. There was no other reason for her to be remembering her fingers combing his hair in search of hidden injuries. He had very little gray in his hair and no bald spots. At least life had not been overly generous with him, she grinned a little mischievously, thinking of his unaccountable failures. Ellie was not the type to enjoy another's misfortunes, but her father's opinion about Hoynes had predisposed her to dislike him even when she barely knew him. The man had had every advantage and yet he had lost it all.

* * *

2. The "thank you" call

"Good morning, Dr. Bartlet."

"No, this is Ellie," she began, but she bit her lip as she realized who was calling. "Good morning, Mr. Hoynes. Is there anything wrong?" she asked quickly to cover up her initial blunder.

"Nothing at all." His voice concealed the grin. He had understood that for Ellie the designation "Dr. Bartlet" meant her mother. "I just called to thank you again. You were very kind to help me yesterday."

"Oh, well, you know…" she babbled, hating herself for not being able to deal properly even with the mildest compliments. "Thanks for the flowers. They are beautiful."

"Did they have the desired effect?" John asked, as he signed the papers his assistant kept putting in front of him.

"Yes. I like them very much," she said, not really understanding.

"I'm glad. I specifically asked for a very decorative arrangement to be brought for you to reception, where everyone could see it." He stressed the last words obviously referring to something that had passed between them.

Ellie analyzed the words, trying to understand what he meant. She wished she were a morning person. It took her several seconds to remember the conversation in Mark's office, and she realized that John had been trying to help her attract Mark's attention, knowing all too well the way gossip spread. She rolled her eyes. Like Mark would ever care about something like that!

"How did you get my number?" Ellie realized belatedly he had called on her cell phone.

"Oh, well, you know…" he copied her vague tone, waiting for his assistant to leave the room. "I hacked into the hospital's database," he confided as soon as he was alone in his office.

"I'm not an expert, but that borders on psychotic behavior," she said, impressed against her will.

"What else was I supposed to do?" he asked, walking towards the stack of volumes piled in front of the bookcase.

"You could have asked me," she suggested.

"Somehow I didn't manage to work the question into our conversation yesterday."

"I don't suppose you're going to tell me why you got into a fight, are you?" she asked, trying to regain some control over the conversation.

"It's not an interesting story, I can assure you," he said, underlining a paragraph on the book he was browsing.

"So I shan't read about it in the Washington Post?"

"I'm hoping you won't." Hoynes lifted his gaze from the book.

"You didn't really hack into the hospital's database, did you?"

"No," he admitted. "I made a few calls."

"Take care, Mr. Hoynes."

"You too, Dr. Bartlet."

* * *

3. Days pass…

John Hoynes looked at his watch and ordered another coffee. He was early. He was supposed to meet his new best friend, Oliver Babish, in half an hour.

He had decided not to contest the divorce, and he had come to terms with its social implications. He was out of politics, so there was little to worry about in that department. He just needed to talk to someone. The psychological impact of the impending divorce was far worse than he had imagined.

Oliver Babish was a respected figure in the legal community, but, for John Hoynes, had a different usefulness. A story Leo McGarry had told once in an AA meeting had stuck with him, a story about a guy who fell in a hole and was helped not by a doctor, or a priest, but a friend who had been down there before and knew the way out. Babish had been divorced four times. If anyone had gotten the hang of this ordeal, he was the man.

So in his deep misery, Hoynes decided not to go to a doctor or a priest. He needed a man who had fallen in that hole before and knew the way out. Babish had been divorced four times. If anyone had gotten the hang of this ordeal, he was the man.

He was thinking about Leo's story when he realized how similar his own experience had been to the guy in the story. The very day he had fallen in the hole, he had seen a doctor, and all she had done was tell him to take it easy. She hadn't even thrown him a prescription.

What else could he have expected from a Bartlet?

Thinking about it, he realized she had reacted better than he might have expected. She probably wouldn't have refused to see him, being the goody-two-shoes Bartlet that she was, but she could have sent him to another department. She could have called the Washington Post. After all, even the mousiest of the Bartlet girls had called Danny Conncanon to defend her godmother.

He was too tired to hate the Bartlets anymore. Well, maybe he still had energy enough left to hate one or two.

Oliver's arrival put a stop to his Bartlet ponderings.

* * *

4. A few months later

"Good afternoon, Dr. Bartlet. It's John Hoynes."

Ellie nearly dropped her phone in astonishment.

"Oh, how are you, Mr. Hoynes?" she replied, expectantly.

"I hope I'm not disturbing you. I can call later if it's inconvenient," he offered.

"No, it's fine," she replied, looking around at the mess in her kitchen.

Ellie resembled her father the most when she was in the kitchen. She obsessed over details, but had little time to become proficient in the actual cooking. At the moment she was surrounded by dirty dishes and an assortment of specialised utensils, and her T-shirt had suffered several stains.

"I was signing some papers and I saw your research is one of the projects we finance. Why didn't you call me when you applied for funds?" John said.

"I didn't know you were on the board of directors," she lied, then bit her tongue realizing she had mentioned his specific position in the firm.

"Oh, really?"

"OK, so I knew. I didn't want to use my name to get funds." She licked her index finger to remove a stain of tomato sauce.

"Not your name, Doctor, just your title. I owe you, remember?"

Ellie didn't know what to make of his tone. Was there some gratitude in the persistent bitterness?

"I don't cash in my good deeds." She shrugged her shoulders.

"No good deed goes unpunished," he threatened her playfully. "You'll have to convince me your project is worthy of my money, though. The specialists are going to need the technical presentation as well."

"We sent you so much material you could almost do the rest of the research yourself. You're joking, right?"

"No."

Ellie sighed. That was going to mean another few hours of compiling research data.

"All right then. Better get to work." She wanted to end the conversation before her Bartlet temper got the better of her.

"I'll be waiting."

"Good bye, Mr. Hoynes."

"Good bye, Dr. Bartlet."

Long after he hung up the phone, John Hoynes was still wondering why had he done it. He had called her to assure her she had gotten the funds and ended up asking her to beg for them.

'God, I can be such an idiot!' he thought, getting dressed. He hoped that his date with Connie Tate that night would erase all thoughts of his strange behavior.

* * *

5. "You have mail!"

It took Ellie most of her evening to put together another presentation. She was so used to the dreary fundraising process that she wasn't even angry about Hoynes's behavior. It was not unusual to be asked for detailed explanations of her work. She had more than a faint suspicion that John Hoynes couldn't care less what she was doing, but his interest surely could not be of a personal nature. He was probably considering the public implications of his endorsement of a research deemed questionable by an influential demographic segment.

Ellie called her dweeby best friend, who found John's e-mail address in less than ten minutes.

She looked at her watch, and sighed, realizing Hoynes had wasted her Friday evening with an unnecessary report.

'What an idiot!' she complimented him, and she sent the e-mail.

The next morning, John Hoynes was somewhat surprised to discover an e-mail from Dr. E. Bartlet. He skimmed through the highly technical content of the letter without much interest. The postscript made him smile.

"P.S. Some people can actually hack into databases.

E. B."

'So that's how she wants to play?' he thought, amused. He wrote her e-mail address on a piece of paper and made a mental note to visit a computer geek.

Ellie's day had been so hectic that by the time she got home she had completely forgotten about the e-mail she had sent to Hoynes. She turned on her computer out of habit.

At that moment, Hoynes's messenger informed him that "BlueOrchid" was on line. He typed "hello", grinning, and waited. He had been waiting for her to log on for a few hours. He had cancelled a date and made his way through most of the week's workload just for the fun of shocking Ellie Bartlet.

The chat request blinked at her on the screen.

**JonnyQuest**: Hello!

She stared at the message for a while.

**JonnyQuest**: It's not polite to stare,

She smiled and started typing.

**BlueOrchid**: Who are you, JonnyQuest?

**JonnyQuest**: I wanted to tell you that you got the funds.

A mischievous smirk crossed her face.

**BlueOrchid**: Mother, is that you?

**JonnyQuest**: Not funny, Doc!

**BlueOrchid**: I'm not a funny person, Mr. Hoynes. So, we got the funds. Thanks.

**JonnyQuest**: It's what I do, Dr. Bartlet.

**BlueOrchid**: Was that supposed to be funny?

**JonnyQuest**: You should be here. It's all in the delivery.

He was funny, he was friendly, he was flirtatious. He made her forget she was tired.

The fifteen minutes he had allocated for the chat turned into almost two hours.

The accidental two hours of instant messaging became a weekly event. John tried not to compare the pleasure of talking to her with his constant need to talk to Helen during their doomed affair.

For the following months, Ellie and John talked regularly, both online and on the phone. They discussed their current relationships, the dating rules and the deal breakers for each of them. In a purely theoretical sense, of course.

* * *

A/N

Tim Matheson was the voice of the cartoon character Jonny Quest.

Nina Siemaszko played a character called Blue in Wild Orchid 2.


	4. Chapter IV

**Working Title: John's Quest**

**By: Abra de Winter**

**Pairing: **John Hoynes/Ellie Bartlet - Romance

**Rating: PG**

**Beta By:** **dot**- without her help the story would not be nearly as good as it is. Any mistakes left in the story - all mine!

**Spoilers:** season 5 episodes 15 – "Full Disclosure" and 16 – "E pur si muove"

**Disclaimer:** The characters are from the NBC, WB, Bravo, A John Wells Prod., TV show, 'The West Wing'. They are the creation of Aaron Sorkin.

**Feedback: **yes, please!

**Chapter IV**

_JonnyQuest: Why do you want to go the Ambassadors' Dinner?_

_BlueOrchid: It's a good occasion to meet my parents in a nice place. Safe and public._

_JonnyQuest: You need a bigger buffer zone._

_BlueOrchid: You're watching the Seinfeld reruns, aren't you?_

_JonnyQuest: I'm trying to stay hip._

_BlueOrchid: You're hip._

_JonnyQuest: So, who are you bringing?_

_BlueOrchid: Why? Who are YOU bringing?_

_JonnyQuest: A colleague. You?_

_BlueOrchid: I'm thinking of going solo._

_JonnyQuest: I admire your confidence._

_BlueOrchid: Yeah. That's me all right. Confidence and beyond._

* * *

Ellie remembered the main reason she hated Washington parties when she attempted to pack. It wasn't that she hated parties, but her parents were never attending normal, fun, peaceful parties. She had a harder time pleasing them when she had to publicly project the right image.

She discarded one outfit after another until her she had reduced her selection to three. One for the road, one for the party and one for the informal dinner at the Residence. She sighed. Being one of the First Daughters was annoying most of the time, but this time it was even more inconvenient. She had been compelled to postpone an important meeting with faculty members in order to fit this ordeal into her schedule.

The atmosphere in the car was relaxed as they drove from Baltimore to DC. She had brought along the nicest guy she had ever dated and was happy to see him coping so well with her lifestyle. He got along great with the agent who drove them. He was right for her in every way. Well, he was a young Republican… but no one was perfect.

When they reached DC, Ellie was in a good mood, and quite prepared to face the evening. She was going to chat, dance and be charming. Maybe this time her parents would be too busy to find microscopic faults in her actions. She wasn't going to look for the least populated corners of the room in which to hide. She was definitely not going to talk only to people she found interesting. She was going to be a good Bartlet and endure the spotlight for one night.

Their eyes met briefly over the sea of people, with the slightest spark of recognition, then they both looked away. Their unspoken understanding to avoid each other did not exempt them from observing one another.

She felt like a child again, looking away every time he was looking back at her, as though she were back in fourth grade having her first thoughts of boys as more than just soccer teammates.

John wondered if he could get a reaction from across the room. He waited until she took her date to talk to her parents. When her gaze flickered in his direction he responded with a mocking expression, which clearly meant 'you brought this poor sucker?', and he was pleased to see her almost snort the champagne.

Jed patted his daughter on the back, but Hoynes wasn't looking any more. His colleague had engaged him in conversation and he did not want to expose his unnatural interest in Ellie's every move.

After a while, he slipped out of the room as unobtrusively as he could. Ellie was dancing with her father, but she still saw him go.

John made his way to a foyer without difficulty. He knew the building rather well, due to the numerous functions he had attended there. He knew the way to this room particularly well because he had used it to sneak out from other parties to be with Helen. He remembered the adrenaline rush from making out with her there, a few feet away from the press, the politicians and his own wife, more than a year earlier

He sat at the piano and played a simple tune to warm up his fingers. He hadn't played the piano since the last time he had visited that same room.

Thoughts of Helen made his private performance a lot more vibrant than usual.

Ellie made sure no one was watching her and took the longest possible route to the door through which Hoynes had disappeared. She looked around the deserted passageway, disappointed not to find him there. Before she started to snoop around she heard the piano.

Ellie followed the sound all the way to him. She remained hidden, watching him from an opening in the heavy curtains. When he stopped playing, she stepped into the light.

"You're a man of many talents," she said.

He stood up when he saw her.

"Thank you. I took lessons for a few years."

"I took lessons so they'd let me play soccer," Ellie commented. "My mother wanted me to take ballet instead of piano, but that didn't stand a chance with all the sprained ankles and scratched knees."

John sat down again and patted on the chair next to him.

"Come on over and show me."

"I'd rather not."

"All right then." He didn't insist and stood up, shutting the lid over the keyboard.

"Your colleague seems charming. Why didn't you bring Paula?"

"She's in Dallas all week."

"You didn't even ask her, did you?"

"It's not her scene."

"You mean she would've refused to stand by her man?" she teased him.

"Don't make it sound like a country song. It's nothing serious." He shrugged his shoulders.

"You're getting the hang of this dating thing, aren't you?"

"Speaking of dating," he started to walk a circle around her, like a wolf cornering its prey, "I noticed you didn't come alone." He stopped and looked her straight in the eye.

"Oh, well, you know…" she said, flustered.

"You couldn't dump the nerd, right?"

"He's not a nerd."

"He has an internet company."

"Software, but…"

"He took you to see The Wrath of Khan on your second date," he interrupted her.

"Star Trek – Generations," she corrected him, amused.

"He's a nerd."

"He has a Harley," she counterattacked.

"In storage somewhere I bet," he snorted.

"In his garage."

"Has he ever taken you for a ride?"

"He is not a nerd."  
"Face it! He's a nerd. A geek. A dork."

"My parents like him." She hung her head and her hair fell on her face, muffling the whispered words.

"I beg your pardon?" he asked and brushed the hair from her face without thinking.

Ellie looked up, a little startled by this sudden intimate gesture.

"I said, my parents like him," she said, recovering from the shock.

"We should return to the party," he said, then, seeing Ellie's slightly panicked look, added, "I'll go first. Wait a few minutes before you come out."

He remembered a similar conversation he had had with Helen in that very room, but he didn't feel any guilt over it. Ellie, on the other hand, continued to fix him with a guilty look.

"It never came up," she tried to explain. "That we talk…"

"It's OK. I didn't tell anyone either." He didn't add that he had no one close enough with whom he could share something like that.

"I like talking to you. I don't have to justify it to anyone."

"You're right. A dance is out of the question then?" he said, smiling.

"Thanks for the offer, but I promised myself I wouldn't give my parents a heart attack."

"Yeah," he nodded. "Besides, who needs that kind of attention?"

Ellie hated to be the in the limelight, and dancing with John Hoynes was a sure way to make all eyes turn her way. Worse still, the flood of comments generated by one simple dance would be far from flattering. Her parents would not actually have heart attacks, of course, but she had premonitory a flash of the small signs of disappointment she had come to read so well. However, she didn't let him know how much it bothered her.

"I'm quite capable of dealing with attention, thank you very much! I opened the Governor's Ball with my father when I was fifteen, you know! Mom had surgery, Liz was in college, Zoey was too young."

"I'm sure you were great," he set her mind at ease.

She smiled at the memory and John was surprised to see the difference. Ten years seemed to have flown away. She looked fifteen. And she was charming.

"We'll talk later," he said, leaving.

Ellie waited for the door to close before she sat down in front of the piano. She played the first notes of her beloved Moonlight Sonata. The result was awful.

'It's a good thing I'm a scientist,' she thought, standing up again.

Ellie could not stop worrying over whether anyone had noticed her clandestine interlude with Hoynes. She watched him discreetly as he talked to Lord Marbury, the British ambassador, and decided he was relaxed, meaning he didn't think anyone had seen them.

"May I have this dance?" Leo McGarry asked.

Suddenly, her pulse was racing madly. Ellie had had an enduring secret crush on Leo since she was seventeen. When she reached twenty-three she had gone to extremes to outgrow it, but the experience had not liberated her. She had grown accustomed to thinking of Leo as her personal hero, always present in her heart and mind, but never physically close to her. On the rare occasions they met, Ellie's natural shyness was increased ten times.

He looked extremely tired and Ellie wanted to cradle him in her arms until she took away all his worries, but all she could do was take his hand and follow him to the dance floor.

Her head was spinning and she was more nervous than she had been when she opened the New Hampshire Governor's ball.

John Hoynes was pretending to pay attention to a conversation between his date and Oliver Babish, while inconspicuously watching Ellie dancing with Leo. Unobserved, he witnessed Leo taking her back to the dork she had brought. He grimaced as the dork looked at Ellie adoringly. No wonder the Bartlets liked the snotty punk. He was just like them.

'What's the matter with me?' he reprimanded himself for having such thoughts. He didn't care what the Bartlets thought about Ellie's dates. He didn't care who Ellie Bartlet was dating.

The last feeling he had about Ellie that evening was one of relief. Ever since he had found out that he would see her at the Dinner he kept wondering how she would look and how it would feel to see her in real life after the months of phone calls and online chatting. Now that the evening was almost over, he was relieved. She looked nice, but nothing out of the ordinary. They had talked and it hadn't been awkward.

* * *

A few weeks later…

_JonnyQuest: I'm in Baltimore next week. Have lunch with me!_

_BlueOrchid: Sure._

Ellie chose a fairly remote location for their first lunch together. She was more than a little concerned about the meeting. She had very few friends, all hand-picked, most of whom she had known since kindergarten. Making new friends was not something Ellie took lightly. He was a friend and she wanted to see him. If the conversation became uncomfortable, they had at least one common interest. Sports. Ellie looked over the sports page one more time before she left to meet him, memorizing the latest baseball scores and information about various other sporting events.

'Maybe we can compare injuries,' Ellie sighed, looking at the permanent scar on her right knee.

* * *

The conversation ran unbelievably smoothly. They had managed to transpose their easy-going virtual relationship to a friendly real life one.

The more they talked, the more they discovered how intertwined their lives were. John was good friends with Oliver Babish. Her best friend from high school was Oliver's eldest daughter. Ellie realized he was the only person with whom she had talked in months that knew the same people she did. Her circle of Baltimore friends was quite small and completely composed of scientists like her. Talking about childhood friends and the White House staff felt liberating for the first time in her life.

Time passed swiftly, and John accompanied her back to the hospital.

"I have another meeting in the morning. Would you like to have dinner with me?"

"I'd like that," she accepted.

* * *

"You have a bad influence on me," John informed her after they finished talking about Josh and Donna. "I don't like to gossip."

"It's not gossip. We're just talking about people we know. There's nothing wrong with that. After Zoey's kidnapping, she moved in with me for a while. We don't have all that much in common, so we talked about everyone we knew," she admitted.

"That's the definition of gossip, isn't it?" he pointed out.

"We talked about you, as well. Nothing that I couldn't tell you now. So, you see, it's not gossip," she tried to prove her point, quite unsuccessfully.

"I bet it was boring," he said casually.

"I thought that was every man's fantasy. Two girls in skimpy pajamas talking about him all night long…"

"As long as it involved my rugged good looks, I'm flattered," he grinned.

Ellie took a long drink, and looked at him over the rainforest blooming from her glass. She had a mildly amused expression.

"What?" he asked, slightly alarmed by her reaction.

"Well, we did talk about your good looks, but not exactly the way you might think."

"Do tell!" he pretended to feel vexed.

"It usually came up something like 'he could have had any woman in DC, how could he be so stupid?'"

"Oh." Hoynes tried to keep up his end of the conversation despite the wave of embarrassment.

"What can I say? Zoey inherited Dad's character assessment skills. I'm not all that good at reading people. For instance, I used to rather like Helen Baldwin before the book incident."

An hour later they were talking about his divorce.

"I'm not proud of it. I wanted to save my marriage, but I think it was over for a long time already. I got the feeling that she was upset that the affair went public more than anything else. We only lasted this long because we both had the same goal - that I become President. If not for that, I might have noticed she stopped loving me long ago. "

He had never voiced this suspicion before. From their long conversations, Oliver might have guessed that by its end the Hoynes' marriage was almost a façade, but John had never told him.

"Don't say that!" Ellie said, sounding shocked and hurt. "You shouldn't think that!"

"That's the way it felt," he added a little less assertively.

"She may have hidden from you that she was hurt, that she felt betrayed, she may have said she was angry for sabotaging your political career, but don't you go thinking she was not jealous or frustrated or that she didn't feel worthless because you chose another woman in her place. Don't think she didn't love you!"

Hoynes looked at her in mild surprise. Her tone was a lot more vibrant than it had been the entire evening. Her flirtatious exuberance had transformed into a passionate plea. He touched her hand across the table, trying to show his gratitude without words.

From her own conversations with John, Ellie knew how isolated he felt. She wished he could remember the beginnings of his marriage, rather than its sad conclusion. Ellie had not known the Hoynes' twenty years earlier, but she knew it in her heart that they had married for love, not electoral Mathematics. She did not want him to dwell in the dark loneliness he was sinking in, lying to himself that if he had started to date meant that he had healed.

In the past year, Ellie had given a lot of thought to Hoynes, to his political destiny and his rather public private life. She had stopped seeing him as the lighthearted Jonny Quest who was able to cheer her up after a tiresome day, the words of comfort had come sout before she could over analyze them. He was her friend, and she wanted to make him feel better.

"I'm sorry. I got carried away," she said, blushing.

She removed her hand from his and took another sip of cocktail.

"I thought you weren't a big marriage supporter," he said, thinking about something she had said a few weeks earlier, "but you believe in the marriage vows…"

"Yeah, well, I think people should live up to their promises," she laughed nervously. "Silly thing to believe when you think I've lived among politicians my whole life."

"You were privileged to know some of the most outstanding politicians of our time. Not

many people have your father's moral compass."

She tried to read in his eyes what he was feeling at the moment. The clouds she could discern in his blue gaze were a pale expression of the storm inside him.

Ellie wished she could help him find his way out of the darkness.

* * *

A/N

What do you think about the story so far? Are they still in character? Is the chemistry starting to show?


	5. Chapter V

**Working Title: **John's Quest

**By: **Abra de Winter

**Pairing: **John Hoynes/Ellie Bartlet - Romance

**Rating: **PG13

**Beta By:** **dot **- without her help the story would not be nearly as good as it is. Any mistakes left in the story - all mine

**Spoilers:** season 5 episodes 15 – "Full Disclosure" and 16 – "Eppur si muove"

**Disclaimer:** The characters are from the NBC, WB, Bravo, A John Wells Prod., TV show, 'The West Wing'. They are the creation of Aaron Sorkin.

**Feedback: **yes, please!

Chapter V

John Hoynes had learned to like his new life. He liked his work. Well, as much as anyone could like the not-so-glamorous branch of corporate law. He liked his freedom. He was single after a marriage that had lasted more than twenty years. Granted, he had not been a faithful husband, but the constant need for secrecy had lost its appeal soon after his first few affairs.

The thing he really missed was politics, though he refused to admit it. The previous Thanksgiving dinner with his family had been celebrated in the traditional guilt-filled atmosphere. His parents let him know that he had disappointed them by divorcing, but most of all by losing his position in the party. They had suggested that he should return home to run the family business, as it was his birthright and his duty. He had evaded their allusions with diplomacy.

John told himself that the attitude of his parents was his sole reason for not returning to Texas. However, the truth was that he did not want to leave Washington, knowing that if he went away, he might never return. He was out of politics, but politics was not out of him.

He had only one activity outside his work that he truly enjoyed: talking to his two new friends. Both had come as a surprise, and both had appeared in his life as a result of something negative. Although John had managed to ruin the advantages life had offered him, he had at least learned to turn possible disasters into tests of friendship. Oliver Babish and Ellie Bartlet had gone from casual acquaintances to trusted friends.

Oliver had helped him to deal with his post-divorce depression. Ellie helped him understand her generation, and particularly the women of her generation. His two friends had made it easier for him to deal with his mid-life crisis. Their influence tempered the workaholic Hoynes and at the same time saved him from the need to recapture his youth buying fast cars and dating women half his age.

So it came to pass that Hoynes sailed through the storm of his forty-sixth anniversary without incident. Instead of the one night stand that had become customary since he had hit forty, John Hoynes celebrated his birthday in a snobbish French restaurant in the company of Oliver Babish.

He found Oliver reading "Le Monde" as usual. His friend put the paper down and wished him a happy birthday, in passing, before diving into the legal issue they had debated on their previous meeting.

John was quite pleased not to have a fuss made over his birthday. His age wasn't really a big deal. However, he was rather downhearted because the day was over and his son hadn't called. He made excuses for Van; that he was in college, that the exams were close, that he was young, that he just forgot. They didn't work. His rationalizations did not overpower the guilt. Van hadn't called because he hated him with the passion of a teenager devastated by his parents' divorce.

Oliver's conversation soon engaged him and the pain of his son's rejection dulled a little.

Dinner was almost over. Oliver was savoring his brandy while John was enjoying a chocolate mousse. They had talked and now was the time for comfortable silence

John's gaze fell on an elaborate arrangement of white orchids set on another table. The light reflecting on the fleshy petals gave them a bluish hue. His lips thinned in a distant smile, and he felt like Jonny Quest, the boy hero of his childhood, facing an exciting mystery: The Enigma of the Blue Orchid. He thought of Ellie and the smile was no longer just on his lips, but also in his eyes.

Oliver's voice pierced through his dreamy state.

"So? Who is she?"

John looked away from the orchids and was confronted with an amused expression on his friend's face.

"Just a friend," he said, automatically.

"Those orchids made you think of someone who is just a friend?" Oliver sounded incredulous.

"Yes. She is..." he paused. "She's a good friend."

"Must be," Oliver said, and finished his drink.

An hour later John was back in his apartment. He went wearily to the answering machine. There were no messages from Van. He was sad, but not surprised that his son hadn't called. He had half expected to find another message from Ellie. He had had meetings all day in order to avoid mushy birthday wishes from the people who knew it was his birthday, but he regretted that he hadn't been able to talk to Ellie. She had left him a message that morning while he was in his 10.30 meeting. Still, he had hoped she'd call again. He should have known better. She never called him twice in the same day. Sometimes she didn't call him twice in a week.

He turned on the TV and zapped absent-mindedly through the channels. He reached for the phone to call Ellie back, just because he was bored, because it was his birthday and he was alone, because he wanted to hear her voice. He had come to learn that making Ellie laugh was the best way to lift his spirits from the darkest state of mind.

No. That was not a good idea. He was too vulnerable at the moment. He took up the remote control again and looked for a program that might get him out of that state.

_"She's a good friend."_

_"Must be…"_

Oliver's undertone lingered in his mind, pushing him towards a conclusion. He refused to articulate it. He couldn't afford that kind of complication in his life. However, John Hoynes's psyche was not built to swim endlessly in denial.

He must have fallen fast asleep because the next thing he knew, there was a knock on the door. He opened it and was shocked to see Ellie there.

"Happy birthday, John," she said, hugging him briefly, careful not to drop the packages she was carrying. "This is for you." She gave him the smaller one, which was neatly tied with a bow.

"Thank you."

He took the gift and put it carelessly on a table, still half asleep. He had "accidentally" fallen asleep on the couches of beautiful women before, knowing how irresistibly vulnerable he seemed with his hair ruffled and his necktie loosened, but the woman looking at him now was Ellie and he was not at all sure he was comfortable that she was looking at him like all the others. He felt uncomfortable and yet quite flattered at the same time.

"Something to drink?" he asked.

"Champagne?"

He looked in his fridge, although he knew he didn't have any alcohol.

"Not likely. Mineral water or orange juice?"

"Water. It won't have the same chemistry with your birthday cake, but it'll have to do."

Ellie had followed him into the kitchen and now gave him the second package. Inside was a cake with strawberries and whipped cream. When he tried to transfer it onto a plate his fingers slid into the layer of cream. He reached for a towel, but Ellie's hand was already on his wrist, stopping him.

He watched as she brought his hand to her mouth, and before his brain could react in any way, she had started licking it clean. The feel of her warm, soft tongue on his hand echoed throughout his body. The sensation in his stomach went further south when she swirled her tongue around each of his fingers. The tension in his groin became more intense when she took his index finger in her mouth and began to suck on it.

"Ellie," he whispered.

She let his finger out and released his hand, which dropped heavily by his side.

"Waste not, want not," she said in a low tone he had never heard before.

John watched her as she picked up a large strawberry from the cake and bit into it. He couldn't detach his gaze from her mouth. Her lips were as red as the fruit she was eating. Her teeth sunk again into the flesh of the fruit and juice dripped from the corner of her mouth. Slowly, she collected the red beads with her tongue.

He couldn't stand it any longer. He leaned in to kiss her and at that moment the loud ring of his cell phone, coupled with its vibration in his pocket, woke him up John realized, frustrated, that he had fallen asleep in front of the TV.

"Yes. Hello," he answered, annoyed.

"Hello, John. I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

He sighed recognizing the voice of his ex-wife.

"No, Suzanne. I was asleep."

"At this hour? It's a little early for you, isn't it?"

"Why did you call?" he cut through her veiled insinuations.

"To wish you happy birthday, darling, why else?"

John looked at his watch, and noted with a grimace that she had waited until past midnight to call him. She had made sure she called a day late.

"Thank you. So nice of you to remember."

A few minutes later he hung up the phone, with the familiar bitter taste in his mouth. A year had passed since their divorce and she was still full of resentment, quite understandably.

In the past few months, the sensation of guilt had finally dulled. Mostly thanks to Ellie. He opened the book she had sent him that morning. She had once told him it was her favorite copy of "Le Petit Prince", the one she had bought with her pocket money, when she was on a trip in Paris at the age of sixteen. The gift touched him in a way he couldn't express. He read the dedication again: _"Happy Birthday, John! You're a wonderful friend. I'm lucky and happy to have you in my life. Ellie"_

He leafed through the book, touched by the innocent fable, while a darker part of him could not help remembering the image of Ellie in his kitchen, carrying a birthday cake topped with whipped cream and strawberries. Guilt and arousal battled inside him until he finally fell asleep.

* * *

The Baltimore branch of his firm was throwing a party in honor of a senior partner who was retiring at the height of his success. John's first reaction to the invitation was to throw it in the pile of junk mail. He wasn't going to miss his weekly poker game for something as tedious as that.

However, when Ellie mentioned that she would be going to the party, because the retiring businessman had been one of their most generous patrons, John heard himself answering:

"This is a coincidence! I'll be there, too."

Later that evening he tried to rationalize his reply. He had not said it because he wanted to see her. All right, he did want to see her, but not because he missed her or anything like that. He had to see her only because he needed to erase the stupid notion Oliver had accidentally put into his head. He didn't have any feelings for her. No more than he had feelings for Oliver.

They were just friends. OK, so he wasn't wondering what Oliver was wearing when they talked on the phone, but that didn't mean anything. He couldn't always imagine her in a lab coat. Besides, it was her own damn fault that his imagination ran wild sometimes. She was the one who had picked an exotic handle like BlueOrchid. Her explanation that she had once blown up an ink bottle and painted an innocent white orchid blue had never stopped him from thinking of her as a beautiful, rare, blue orchid.

This party was a good opportunity to see her and without actually asking her out. He had enjoyed their last dinner to the point that he had trouble dating any more. Every time he had gone out with a woman after that night in Baltimore, he had compared it with the easygoing conversation he had had with Ellie. He couldn't find anyone to match the chemistry he had felt with her. He ended up going home alone every night. Soon, he had stopped dating all together.

John took solace in the memory of the only other party they had both attended. He remembered that she had looked nice. No more than that. She had been a perfect lady throughout the evening and he had not felt anything else. Except perhaps a twinge of envy that she had granted Leo McGarry a dance with her, while he had been denied the pleasure. Pleasure? He had just thought of Ellie and pleasure in the same sentence. That was not a good sign.

No. This was going to work. He was going to see her again and all the dreams would disappear. He was going to see her in a very public place and she was going to look nice. No more than nice.

It was going to work.

It had to work.

He tried to stop the image of another Ellie surfacing from his dreams. There was only one Ellie. His friend, his good friend, Ellie Bartlet.

* * *

She was coming towards him smiling. He had been aware of her presence before she had even noticed him. He had felt her in that room from the moment she had entered.

"There you are," she said.

"Hello. How are you?"

"Were you hiding?" she asked, smiling.

"It's not polite to answer a question with another question."

"Really? Let me tell you a secret."

Her last words had been no louder than a whisper. He leaned in to listen better. Did she flinch? No. He was imagining things.

"I'm not striving to be perfect tonight. If you expect to see me polite and reserved, you're in for a surprise. We're not in Washington any more."

He wished she had told him that before he had made up his mind to come to the damn party. Now he wished he hadn't come at all. Because she didn't just look 'nice'. He couldn't say precisely what was different, but she was not the same person he had seen at the Ambassadors' Dinner, nor the one he had met for lunch a month ago. This Ellie was tempting him with every move she made. Her words no longer bounced off him in light banter; they slid directly into the pit of his stomach and downwards. Her dress, though perfectly respectable, made him think about the body it was covering. The dress in itself was nothing outrageous, and yet he couldn't help wishing to see it slide off her.

John felt his mouth dry and realized he had not replied.

"Would you like to dance?"

He regretted the words as soon as they were spoken. He was so angry at his foolishness that he barely registered her hesitation before she had accepted. Luckily for him, the song was half over when they reached the dance floor and he had only about two minutes to have her in his arms. Ellie was chatting playfully, exempting him from the arduous search for an appropriate topic. She engaged him in an easy conversation about the slow baseball season in which he participated mechanically, with ready-made phrases and small, well-placed exclamations.

As soon as the dance was over he blathered the first excuse that came to mind and left the ballroom. He soon reached an empty terrace on the other side of the building. He paced nervously up and down, trying to clear his mind. The conclusion did not require deep concentration: he was attracted to Ellie. He realized he could hardly be surprised, considering his insatiable libido. He had not changed, after all. He was still the same sex-driven John Hoynes he had always been.

He had to leave. He would call her later with some watertight excuse, and then never call her again.

He was turning to leave when Ellie came on the terrace.

"This is a great night," she remarked, looking at the stars.

He swallowed a knot, watching as her skin became silvery blue in the moonlight. Her dress seemed to have faded away and John had the feeling that she was naked.

"It's cold," he said and took off his jacket to put it over her shoulders.

Everything happened at once. He breathed in her perfume; he felt her body shivering beneath his hands; she turned her head to say something. John bowed his head without thinking, and captured her lips in a gentle kiss. He felt her drawing back instinctively, but he couldn't stop. He leaned over again covering the small distance between their mouths in a swift move. This time Ellie didn't back away. He watched her eyes closing as she let herself be swept away by the whirlwind.

The kiss ended just as unexpectedly as it had started. Ellie stepped away and he watched her trying to find a way to cope with the incident. He cursed himself for giving in to temptation.


	6. Chapter VI

**Working Title: John's Quest**

**By: Abra de Winter**

**Pairing: **John Hoynes/Ellie Bartlet - Romance

**Rating: PG**

**Beta By: dot **- without her help the story would not be nearly as good as it is. Any mistakes left in the story - all mine!

**Spoilers**: season 5 episodes 15 – "Full Disclosure" and 16 – "Eppur si muove"

**Disclaimer**: The characters are from the NBC, WB, Bravo, A John Wells Prod., TV show, 'The West Wing'. They are the creation of Aaron Sorkin. Det. Mike Kellerman is a character from the TV show "Homicide: Life on the Street".

**Feedback: **yes, please!

**Chapter VI**

Ellie felt her cheeks growing hot and she knew they must be red, as if her body had caught fire and the flames were showing on her face. He had kissed her. She had wished for it so desperately and it had happened.

She was so deeply embarrassed that she couldn't even look at him. All these months, she had lied to herself that she could keep the attraction under control. She had told herself time and again that she just liked talking to him, nothing more. She had crushed the little voice that kept asking if she would have been so keen to be his friend if she hadn't found him attractive.

She realized where she had made her mistake. She had been able to resist him while he was miles away, but she hadn't stood a chance when they were in the same room. He must have seen through her pretence of innocent flirting and decided to grant her wish. She knew all too well that he liked to please women.

Ellie fought off the discomfiting memory of her earlier dance with John. She had wanted to kiss him so badly that she had felt her lips burning and had kept running her tongue over them, trying to alleviate the pain. She remembered his silence and his stare, which had hardly ever left her mouth all throughout the dance. She had practically begged for the kiss, and when he had tried to avoid her by leaving the party, she had followed him.

She tried to find something to say that wouldn't sound too bad. She saw her agent outside the terrace, standing guard with his back to them. Ellie realized that John Hoynes was probably the only man she knew that could adjust to her lifestyle because he knew first hand what it was like to have a secret service escort everywhere you went. The thought was not at all comforting. At the moment, she didn't need any more reasons why he would be a great guy to date. She needed a way out of the situation.

She had a split second to choose between the dozen replies that popped into her mind. She chose to trust her instinct for self-preservation and looked for a line that would erase what had just happened. None of her options felt safe. She considered briefly the worst possible thing she could say, something that would make the situation even more uncomfortable.

'That was a great kiss' or 'I want some more'?

It had been a great kiss and a part of her yearned for more, but Ellie silenced that side of her.

Should she go for the ever popular 'How about those Yankees?' or the overused 'This was a mistake'?

None of them cared about the Yankees, but she was sure they would both agree it had been a mistake. When in doubt, talk about the weather.

"I think it's going to rain. We should go back inside," she said.

She thought she read relief in his eyes, but only for a second. Ellie hoped he would accept her neutral reply and never mention this again.

"Yes. There's a storm coming."

Had there been a hint of irony? A hidden meaning? She couldn't tell. From the moment he had kissed her, her insight into John Hoynes's psyche had ceased to exist. She had crossed the boundary of attraction and was now blinded by it.

When she left the party she caught a last glimpse of him. He was waiting for the parking attendant to bring over his car. It had started to rain. She saw him run his fingers through his hair. He had never seemed quite so stunning. Ellie closed her eyes, memorizing the image.

* * *

He didn't call the next day.

For the first time since he had come to her door, Ellie was consciously wishing he'd call. She was wishing he'd call her as he always did and they'd chat and there wouldn't be any trace of embarrassment and everything would be fine once more.

She picked up the phone ten times to call him and ten times she put it back down.

Ellie tried to remember how she had dealt with her crush on Leo. At first, she had studied for her SATs, then she had gone to college where she had done more studying than partying, because Leo's image had kept away all the boys who tried to date her, and after there had been her demanding residency and after that… Yes, after that she had started talking to John on a regular basis and her crush had finally been shelved. She wondered how long it would take her to put her feelings for John on a similar shelf at the back of her mind.

If he had just been on her mind, she might have handled it OK. He wasn't just on her mind, like some intellectual challenge. He was in her soul. She was missing him as though she had once had him. She considered trying to finish a month's work in one evening in the hope that she might forget how badly she wanted to hear his voice.

With an enormous effort, Ellie managed to focus on her project. She left the lab around nine in the evening, determined to go to sleep early. She always worked hard on Fridays, and she had planned more activity for the next day than ever before. She didn't want to have a minute free to think about Hoynes and why he wasn't calling.

Ellie tossed and turned in bed, but still could not fall asleep. She could not stop thinking about him. She wished she had some video footage from the campaign. She regretted that she hadn't recorded one of their conversations. She couldn't go to sleep without quenching this irrational yearning for some tangible record of him.

She turned on the night lamp and looked at the unopened boxes stacked neatly one on top of the other in the corner of her bedroom. She had moved into the new apartment a year earlier and she still hadn't unpacked everything. What she needed was buried deep inside one of those boxes. Helen Baldwin's tell-all book was there, and it contained details about John, details she would otherwise never know.

Ellie had browsed through it guiltily when she had bought it. She had skipped past the revealed state secrets to get to the private bedroom scenes. Her ears had turned pink and she had shut the book before she had read anything particularly spicy. But she remembered the paragraph she had read. And she remembered which chapters contained the interesting parts.

She looked at the boxes again, fighting the urge to jump out of bed and read the book from cover to cover. She was not going to sink so low as to read that trash! He was her friend and she couldn't peek through the keyhole into his bedroom, no matter how public his bedroom had become.

Oh, but how badly she wanted to know! She wanted to see him, even if she had to use her mind's eye and another woman's memories.

Damn it!

She punched the pillow and got out of bed. Ten seconds later, books were flying around the room as she burrowed towards her goal.

There it was. Helen's book. The physical expression of John's downfall. She scowled at the woman smiling on the back cover, but opened the book nevertheless.

The intimate information jumped out from the page. Ellie clenched her teeth, seething with jealousy and anger, but could not stop reading.

_"He was an incredibly attentive lover."_

_"… he was always careful to please me."_

_"When he kissed me for the first time my knees turned to jelly and I started shaking. He took me in his arms and did not stop kissing me until I forgot that he was the Vice President of the United States and I responded with the same passion."_

Ellie tore up that page, crumpled it and threw it over her shoulder. She did the same with the next few pages, more and more furious.

"That bitch!"

She was not going to read another word!

Ellie went into the kitchen, poured herself a glass of milk, sipped it leisurely, washed the glass thoroughly, then went back into the bedroom, where she had to crawl on her hands and knees to retrieve the torn pages that had landed under the bed. She smoothed them out and started reading again.

_"He left the Ambassadors' Dinner after the President's speech and I followed him into a room on the next level where he had asked me to meet him. We were previously acquainted, but I didn't know what to expect from a private meeting. I presumed he wanted me to organize another fund-raiser. We started talking and I lost track of time. We could hear the music from downstairs and he invited me to dance. I remember the tension building up inside me with every second he held me in his arms. We were just dancing, but his presence was so heady that I couldn't think of anything except how much I liked having him close. When he kissed me for the first time…"_

Ellie looked up from the piece of paper. She tried to label the feeling rising inside her. It was a mixture of envy, anger, betrayal and, strangest of all, lust.

All of a sudden she decided to do something about it. She got dressed, called one of her best friends, and asked her bodyguard to drive. They stopped to pick up Michelle on their way to the bar.

She wanted to do the one thing that could not remind her of John. She was going to go to a bar with her friend and have a drink.

Michelle Babish came out of the building just as Ellie's car was pulling over.

"You'd better have a good reason for getting me out of the house tonight!" she said, getting into the car.

"That's the famous Babish fighting spirit!"

"I've been here for three months and you want to go out the night before I have my final presentation. And I have plane tickets for Hawaii tomorrow evening."

Ellie felt guilty for ignoring her friend throughout her unusual stay in Baltimore, but if they had met up earlier, Michelle would certainly have found out about John. Michelle Babish worked in advertising and was quite good at making people trust her. Ellie knew that one girls' night out was all her old friend would need to make her feel safe and talk about what was going on in her life. And John Hoynes was the most interesting thing that was going on in Ellie's life.

She decided to avoid the guilt trip.

"Trial honeymoon?" she asked.

"Ellie!"

"Come on, you've been dating for two years. It's a legitimate supposition."

"Actually, I think we're ready for the big step, but Alex is worried about dad's reaction."

"The man with four divorces is your biggest problem?"

"You know, he may well be the only man in America who would be happier to see his daughter live in sin with a man, rather than get married. He got a little marriage-paranoid after his third divorce."

They got out of the car and entered the bar.

"I always liked your father. But I know what you mean. I remember how freaked out my dad was when Liz got engaged. And he liked Doug!" Ellie said, after their Margaritas had arrived.

"Aha! A clue! This is the reason why you don't ever get serious about a guy? You're afraid of daddy's reaction?"

"You want to know what I do at the end of every first date I've had for the past six years? I imagine taking the guy to Camp David to meet my family – just the two of us and them and half the secret service. None of them made me think that I could do that."

"You poor thing! Is this why we're in a bar on a Thursday night? You're having a Sex and the City issue?"

"Yes! I'm almost thirty. Sometimes I'm sorry that Zoey's already got Charlie. It would be so refreshing to date someone dad likes. I wonder if Josh Lyman is dating anyone."

"Ellie, I know you well enough to know that you wouldn't date anyone your parents liked. I think you'd rather dump a guy if you thought your parents liked him."

"You make me sound so dysfunctional!"

"You are. And that's a good thing. Your family has this Brady Bunch feel sometimes. You're the Generation X element."

"I don't think anyone else would compare the Bartlets with the Bradys, but you come from a very broken home. Your parents are doing exemplary work keeping the divorce rate up."

"Are you going to start telling me about this guy or do I have to treat you like a hostile witness? Daddy taught me how to do that!" Michelle threatened her.

"It's… complicated. Almost impossible. It's weird that I even like him."

"What's wrong with him?"

"Everything," Ellie laughed, "and nothing."

"That's intriguing. Give me some details!"

"No. Let's just forget all about it. It's way too messy."

"You're blushing! I don't think I've ever known you to like someone so much. Maybe you should take the risk."

"No, I really shouldn't. Trust me. It's better if I don't do anything."

"I think you should seduce him."

This was the typical sort of suggestion that came from Michelle's uninhibited reasoning. Ellie shivered at the mere thought of seducing John Hoynes, but concealed the depth of her reaction.

"I don't know how you can say that with a straight face. You know damn well I could never do that. Let's just finish our drinks."

"If the guy is off limits, try someone else. Don't look now, but there's a striking young man at the bar who hasn't stopped looking at you since we came in."

"Maybe he recognized me."

"It's not that sort of look, Ellie. Trust me. Look! He's going to the bathroom. Isn't he gorgeous?"

Ellie had to admit it. He was rather handsome.

"I'm going to leave now and when he comes back he'll see you alone, he'll come over, and you're going to have a very nice and much needed ego-boosting conversation. I'll talk to your agent on my way out and tell him to give you some privacy"

"This must be the nicest way I've ever been left alone in a bar."

"Is there a yes somewhere in there?"

"Yes, all right, go get ready for your meeting in the morning and honeymoon in the evening."

"I'm doing you a favor, don't pout!"

Ellie watched her friend leave, then ordered another Margarita and asked for the check. She was sprinkling salt on her hand when her admirer came back. He caught her glance and Ellie didn't look away. She licked the salt and tossed down her drink, holding the stranger's gaze. He walked intently towards her and Ellie smiled, thinking that she had the courage to let him approach her only because a well-trained secret service agent was five feet away.

Just as Michelle had predicted, the stranger came to her table. He introduced himself as Mike Kellerman and Ellie felt a little silly not giving her family name, but she was in no mood to be a First Daughter.

The three Margaritas she had had that evening had an enormous effect on her natural shyness. She discovered that flirting wasn't as difficult as she had grown to believe. They hit a bit of a dark spot when Ellie asked him about his job. It turned out that Kellerman was a homicide detective in the Baltimore Police Department and he had recently dealt with a disturbing case that had gotten to him even after his years of experience. She changed the subject with surprising dexterity.

Ellie slipped discreetly into the role of the listener, trying to understand what she wanted from that evening. She had left the house to avoid thinking about Hoynes and Helen Baldwin's revelations regarding him. She regretted kissing him and she hated that she had liked it so much. Until she had read Helen's book, Ellie had been sure that her relationship with John was special. She knew about his infidelities, but she had talked herself into believing that their friendship was different, that she wasn't just another woman in his long line of conquests. Reading that John had kissed Helen for the fist time in the same room where he had engaged her in their first conversation as friends made her question the very nature of their relationship. To read that their first kiss had followed their first dance, just as it had happened for her, had been too much to bear. She did not want to be a replacement. She did not want to be second best in his life. She could not be a substitute for his wife or for Helen Baldwin. When she articulated this thought, Ellie realized for the first time on her part that John was not a surrogate for Leo, or for her father. She had been falling in love with him for months.

Outwardly, Ellie laughed at Mike's joke. She wished they had met a few months earlier.

It was drawing close to midnight when Ellie decided to leave. The memory of John and the image of him kissing Helen had haunted her all through this unexpected date. She wanted revenge against the pain of his betrayal. She knew it was unreasonable to feel betrayed for something that had happened before they had even met, but that didn't make it any easier to bear. She also needed to level the terrain of her soul after the earthquake provoked by John's kiss.

As Mike walked her to her car, Ellie decided she would kiss him. She stopped and looked into his eyes. He was not as tall as John, but Ellie noticed the same shade of despondency in his eyes. She moved her palm in a long, slow, sensual caress over his arm, his shoulder, and his neck, settling in his hair. She pulled his head down toward her lips. Mike leaned avidly into the kiss.

When his tongue touched her lips, Ellie's first reaction was to pull away. She resisted the urge to run. Instead, she opened her mouth, allowing him entrance. She liked his patient exploration, but most of all, she savored the taste of whisky, a taste that could not remind her of the abstinent John Hoynes.

The kiss fell short of perfection because of a shadow. John's absence was as intense as his presence had been the night before.

"That was an amazing kiss," she said.

Ellie sighed, wishing she were free to pursue an affair with him. She relished the momentary comfort of his embrace, while understanding that she could not connect with another man until her she had sorted out her feelings for John. He seemed to guess her thoughts and held her tighter for a moment before he let go.

"Why do I get the feeling that this is the last time I'm going to see you?" he asked.

Ellie smiled, grateful as much for his understanding as for his mere presence.

"You very perceptive. You should be a detective," she joked.

Mike smiled back and brought her hand to his lips.

"It was a pleasure to meet you."

"It certainly was, Detective Kellerman."

* * *

A/N

When CJ needed 24 hours protection, her escort was composed of several agents who worked in shifts. I assume the First Daughters also have permanent escort, so she has more than one agent assigned to her. I'm going to use two names from now on: Jackson (Delroy Lindo) and O'Reilly (Holly Hunter)– they were two angels with the mission to make Cameron Diaz and Ewan McGregor to fall in love in A Life Less Ordinary)


	7. Chapter VII

**Title: **John's Quest

**By: **Abra and dot

**Pairing: **John Hoynes/Ellie Bartlet - Romance

**Rating: **PG13

**Spoilers:** season 5 episodes 15 – "Full Disclosure" and 16 – "Eppur si muove"

**Disclaimer:** The characters are from the NBC, WB, Bravo, A John Wells Prod., TV show, 'The West Wing'. They are the creation of Aaron Sorkin.

**Feedback: **yes, please!

**Chapter VII**

That Thursday seemed to be the longest day of his life. He had started out determined not to call Ellie, but abiding by that decision was getting more difficult with every hour.

'Why the hell do I need to call her anyway? Just because she didn't serve me the "it was a mistake" speech yesterday doesn't mean she won't do it today. Do I really need to hear that to know it's over?'

He didn't want to hear her recant their friendship, but he did need to hear from her. In search of a reason for this compulsion, he asked his secretary for a copy of his phone calls from the previous month and was shocked to see that they had been talking every day. Time passed at a snail's pace, and his frustration was punctuated by the vivid memory of their kiss. The way she had closed her eyes in sweet surrender, the feel of her body vibrating against his, and the almost painful intensity of his desire tormented him from dawn till dusk.

At the stroke of midnight he made up his mind. He could not endure another day like the one that had just ended. He wanted her. He was going to have her. Or at the very least he would set his mind at ease knowing he had done everything in his power trying.

Morning followed a night of restless sleep. John arrived at his office around six thirty and worked steadily until eleven, when he shocked his assistant by telling her to take the rest of the day off. The astounded look on her face made him realize that he hadn't left the office before sunset on a Friday in months.

He looked at his telephone, unable to decide what he was going to tell her. Knowing Ellie as he did, she was probably at work and wasn't likely to leave the lab for hours to come. If the kiss had affected her half as profoundly as it had affected him, she had stayed in the lab until midnight yesterday and was going to do the same for a while.

He was going to call her and ask her out. He could be smooth. He didn't need to go to the mirror and rehearse. There was no need to be worried. After all, the worst she could do was say no, and he was sure she would do it in a very polite and delicate way.He knew at least that much about her from a year's friendship.

He tried to think logically. He should be able to understand what was going on in her mind based on everything he knew about her and judging from her reaction to the kiss.

He gave up after ten minutes. She had seemed to like the kiss, but backed off after that. So the chances were fifty-fifty.

If she said no, he'd be no worse off than he was now.

If she said yes…

If she said yes, he would want to see her. To kiss her again. To make sure that he hadn't dreamed the whole thing. To make sure that she didn't regret it. That she didn't think he was a ridiculous old man. That she wanted to see him. That she wanted him…

No. He wasn't going to call her on the phone. Not from Washington. He would go to Baltimore and call her from the lobby. If she said yes, he would knock on her door with her favorite flowers and sweep her off to the most romantic date of her life.

* * *

He was on her floor, flowers in hand, when he dialed her cell number. His heartbeat raced. He was going to hear her voice. He would be able to tell from her first words if she would say no.

"Hello."

John had never heard a sweeter display of insecurity. Her wavering voice betrayed her anxiety, meaning that she was not indifferent. Anything was better than indifference.

"Hello, Ellie. Are you working?"

He could almost see her smiling. Of course she was working.

"Yes. Fridays are the busiest."

"I know. I wanted to talk to you about what happened at the party."

"Oh."

Was that a good "oh" or a bad "oh"? He didn't pause to revise his decision and went boldly on.

"I wanted you to know that it wasn't premeditated, it just happened. You were so beautiful, I couldn't resist. I hope I didn't offend you."

"No, you didn't. I was just so surprised…"

"So was I. But it got me thinking. And I realized that I like you. Not just as a friend. I don't know how I didn't see it sooner. Maybe it's because of how different we are..."

He bit his tongue after he had let the words out. He shouldn't have mentioned the differences between them. They both knew there were many; the age gap, his cheating, his divorce, her family, her fear of commitment, and many, many others.

"That's understandable. But there are all those things we do have in common, too."

That was definitely a good sign.

"So, I was wondering, how do you feel about giving it a chance? We could try dating. I don't think we could go back to being just friends any more. I know I couldn't."

John wished he hadn't made it sound like an ultimatum, but he was apparently unable to conduct himself with his usual political savvy.

"I don't think I could, either."

There was a long pause, which he did not dare to interrupt.

"Maybe we should give it a try."

Yes! Victory! He walked past agent O'Reilly and towards her lab, talking as he went.

"Do you have any plans this weekend?"

"No leisure plans. I have something scheduled for Monday and I have to prepare the data. I suppose I could stay late tonight and take a half-day break tomorrow."

He stopped, frozen, three steps from her door, then turned around and walked away.

"Dinner and a movie tomorrow evening then? I'll pick you up at seven."

"That would be fine. See you tomorrow."

"Bye, Ellie."

He approached agent O'Reilly and handed her the flowers.

"Could you give them to her? And please don't tell her I was here personally."

"All right, Mr. Hoynes."

* * *

At the end of their first date.

John walked her from the theater to her apartment. He was so distracted by Ellie's conversation that even the presence of agent Jackson, following them discreetly, could not spoil his mood. They stopped in front of her building, an uncomfortable silence falling between them. He let Ellie climb two steps higher before he took her hand, stopping her.

She turned around slowly. For once, her face was at the same level as his. John cupped her cheek and pressed his lips to hers, a lot more calmly than he was feeling. Ellie didn't pull back; she just closed her eyes and ran her hands through his hair. He ended the kiss, regretfully. Her soft whimper of longing made it worth resisting his urge to speed things up.

"Do you want to come in for a cup of coffee?" she asked, in a simple, almost polite tone.

"I would like that very much, but I think it would be better if I didn't," he said.

"Good night then, John."

She kissed him softly on the cheek and he was sure he had interpreted correctly the small hesitation before the offer.

"Good night, Ellie."

He watched her disappear into her building and contemplated the night's events on the way back to his hotel.

* * *

One month later

Ellie looked at her watch again. Time seemed to have slowed down.

In the past month, Ellie's Fridays had changed dramatically. Even her absent-minded colleagues noticed her eagerness to leave the Institute as soon as possible. They didn't know who she was rushing to meet, but Ellie displayed all the tell tale signs of a woman in love.

She looked back to her file in an earnest attempt to get some work done, but instantly fell into a state of day-dreaming that prevented her from taking in a single word she was reading. She was beginning to live for their weekends together. She could hardly remember a time when they didn't talk every day, and she could no longer imagine her weekends without him.

At the beginning, Ellie had lived with the expectation of an amicable break up. It was mostly due to this reason that she had discreetly, but clearly let him know that she wanted to keep their relationship secret. Just like her sisters, or maybe even more than them, Ellie had tried to stay out of the public eye, so John had easily been able to understand her wish and had complied. She couldn't help thinking that John's ability to avoid the press was in part due to his extramarital experiences, but she soon learned to see the good side. Neither the press, nor any of their friends or enemies had got hold of their relationship. She couldn't imagine what her agents were putting in their reports, but she was sure that no-one outside a tight circle of Secret Service agents knew about her affair with John Hoynes.

Or rather, her non-affair. The first month had passed, and they still hadn't 'done the deed', as her mother would have put it. The first time things began to turn serious, about two weeks after their first date, Ellie had pulled away. To her surprise and his credit, John had been the perfect gentleman about it, even though it must have been incredibly frustrating for him. Since then, every evening together had been a test of will, both his and hers, but she always put a stop to things before they went too far, and suffered the subsequent guilt. It wasn't that she didn't want him. He was virtually all she could think about. It was his past that bothered her; the long string of women he had used and then discarded. She didn't want to be just one more notch on his bedpost. If they broke up, at least she would be spared the indignity of being another conquest. If they stayed together... well, she would think about that if and when it happened.

Right now, she had work to do. She looked at her watch one more time and forced herself to concentrate.

She started at the sound of the phone, but he kept her prisoner in a kiss for a few seconds more. He left her mouth and went on kissing her neck while his right hand sneaked beneath her tank top.

Ellie reached for the phone, and went slightly pink before saying "Hi, mom". Then she disentangled herself from his embrace and went into the other room. John heard her trying to act like her usual mousy self and smiled.

He had been wondering if she had told her parents about their relationship. He guessed from her behavior that the answer was 'not yet'.

Bored, he started browsing through her DVD collection, and stopped at a copy of 'When Harry Met Sally', which bore signs of frequent use. That explained a lot. He wondered if he would have to stick around for another eight or nine years before he got any. However, there was no trace of malice in the thought.

From the many conversations they had had during their year of friendship, John had an extensive knowledge of Ellie's behavior in romantic circumstances. He knew that she hadn't had a relationship that had lasted longer than six months; she had never brought a guy home; she measured all the men she dated to a very high standard, and, most importantly, she had a fear of intimacy liable to make her run away if she got scared. When he had first come to understand this after one of their late night online chats, John had categorized her as frigid. As soon as they had started dating, he had amended the label. Ellie was anything but frigid, but she had her issues to overcome before she would let him come any closer. As his feelings for her deepened, the frustration was evolving into a sweet torture.

He wanted her more intensely than he could remember ever desiring anyone, but he was grateful to have her in his life at all. In a way, he was happy Abbey Bartlet had called. For all her shyness, Ellie was incredibly sensual and she always managed to turn him on in the first five minutes they were alone in her apartment. Perhaps today he could manage to leave without needing a cold shower.

* * *

Three months later

"I'm not a prude," she said, breathing heavily.

She was standing astride him as he sat on the couch and her caresses had been bolder than ever before. John looked at her breasts rising and descending inches from his face.

"I know. I can feel you burning."

"And I don't want to be a tease," she added after another ravenous kiss.

"That's good to know," he replied, familiar with the turn of events.

"It's just that I don't... you know. It feels like exhibitionism."

"I've said this before, but I'm pretty sure Jackson and O'Reilly think we've already done it," he said, nibbling on her earlobe.

"Thanks. That's comforting."

John had initially expected the affair to be quickly consummated, and hopefully survived by their friendship. He could not have imagined that so much time would pass without them sleeping together. The past three months had been one long, slow dance of desire. They had progressed from a kiss on the cheek through to much more, but Ellie always pulled back from the edge, often using the presence of her escort as an excuse. John knew it was more than that, correctly interpreting it as a panic reaction to her growing affection for him, but he went along with her, even though it drove him crazy. He was deeply surprised by own his willingness to wait. It would have been so easy for him to arouse her enough to forget her inhibitions, but he had decided to let things evolve at her own pace. Still, with every date, it was getting harder to stand behind his decision.

Perhaps sensing his train of thought, Ellie stopped straddling him and curled up next to him on the sofa instead, looking repentant.

"I'm sorry, John. Every time before we meet I promise myself I won't start anything, or, if I can't keep my hands off you, I'll go all the way."

"If I have a say in this, I vote for going all the way."

Ellie smiled. "You always do. Maybe you could go out there and strangle my agent."

"Don't think I couldn't do it," he said, biting her lower lip playfully. "I have enough energy bottled up."

"You've put up with this for three months," she said. "How much longer can you wait?"

"As long as it takes."

She pulled away a little and looked steadily into his eyes. He took both her hands in his, trying to show the absolute sincerity in his words. She sighed.

"All right then, how much longer can I wait?" She kissed him gently on the temple.

"That's up to you, isn't it?"

"I don't deal well with frustration, you know. And I've never felt so horny in my whole life. But I don't want to be just another one of your conquests, either."

"You'll never be 'one of' anything. You're Ellie Bartlet, one of a kind."

"I want you," she said.

He became a little harder hearing this, but his mind overruled his body.

"Ellie, I want to make love to you as much as I've ever wanted anything, but I don't want either of us to regret it. I know you don't trust me, that you don't want anyone to know about me. If a reporter gets wind of anything, you want to be able to look him straight in the eye and say in all honesty that I'm 'just a friend'. You don't want to embarrass your father. It's OK. I understand. In time, we'll work this out somehow. After all, it's just another twenty months and your father's mandate will be over and then you won't be a First Daughter any more, just you. I love you Ellie. I can wait."

"Dammit, John..." she glared at him for a moment, before her face softened. "I love you too." It came out as a whisper.

He kissed her and held her for a long moment, her head against his shoulder.

"Now stop talking and let me be noble while I still can," he murmured, kissing her neck in the way he knew always put an end to her arguments.

* * *

On his way back to Washington, Ellie's words were still in his mind.

_"I love you too."_

To think that only a year ago he thought he would never love and be loved again.


	8. Chapter VIII

**Title: **John's Quest

**By: **Abra de Winter

**Beta By:** **dot **- without her help the story would not be nearly as good as it is. Any mistakes left in the story - all mine

**Pairing: **John Hoynes/Ellie Bartlet - Romance

**Rating: **PG

**Spoilers:** season 5 episodes 15 – "Full Disclosure" and 16 – "Eppur si muove"

**Disclaimer:** The characters are from the NBC, WB, Bravo, A John Wells Prod., TV show, 'The West Wing'. They are the creation of Aaron Sorkin.

**Feedback: **yes, please!

Chapter VIII

Ellie Bartlet and John Hoynes were enjoying a romantic dinner watching the sun set over the Californian coast from a private booth in an exclusive restaurant, three tables away from a not-so-romantic meal shared by agents Jackson and O'Reilly. John was aware of the tediousness of a Secret Service bodyguard's job because of his own days in office, and therefore had felt somewhat obligated to be nice to them. However, this unusual kindness had won him quite a lot of points with Ellie. She didn't want to double date with her agents, but, as happens to most people who are forced to spend a long time together, she had bonded with them and was glad to see John take such good care of their comfort.

"It's beautiful here," she said, and caressed his hand over the table.

"It's not Venice or Paris, but I knew that leaving the country would probably not go unnoticed by your father."

John wished he could sweep her all the way across the world to share with her places that were special to him, but, so far, he hadn't even dared to take her to Texas to show her where he grew up. His own very public past prevented him from doing so almost as much as the shadow of her father's power, which still stretched over their relationship. Rumors about them were already sprouting, but so far he though he had been able to keep them under the White House radar. He took her to the most beautiful places he could find where they might have a chance of being safe from prying eyes, trying to minimize the chance of being recognized.

"It's better than Venice," she said, licking the cream off her finger.

He swallowed dryly. A few months earlier, he had suggested she try a whipped cream and strawberry cake, and, upon noticing something strange in his tone, she had not let it go until he had told her his birthday dream. She hadn't mentioned it since, but last week, in her apartment, she had started to lick a chocolate stain from his finger. It was then and there that he decided that the situation could not go on like that any more. Now, watching her, he was lost for a while in the image of her lips around her finger and all the sexual implications that arose from it. He came back to reality, with a feeling of tightness in his pants, quite usual for their dates. Ellie's shyness was out the window every time they were alone and at the end of his daydream he noticed the smile spreading over her face, marking her satisfaction in a job well done.

"I don't think we can keep this secret for much longer," he said.

Ellie sighed, accepting her share of guilt for the ensuing conversation.

"Yes, you're right. I'm going to tell them soon. I was thinking of doing it during the Fourth of July weekend."

"Would you like me to come with you? I don't want them to think I'm afraid of them."

"Well, I wish I knew **how** I'm going to tell them. I'm really worried about dad's reaction. He's always been weird about my boyfriends."

"And the fact that this time **I** am your boyfriend only makes things worse."

"I didn't say that. But it's true. It's going to be really awkward. I'm considering not going to the farm at all. I don't like family gatherings even without the prospect of a scene."

"I don't want to push but I would really like to come with you. We have to learn to face these things together."

She almost trembled at hearing this. Such small demonstrations of his commitment always touched her. One year of friendship, four months of dating and she was still having trouble thinking of them as a couple.

"I never brought anyone home to meet my parents - into the lions' den, so to speak. Still, maybe it would be better if we did this all at once. It will be a shock but they have to learn to live with it."

"My thoughts exactly."

"However, I'd like to tell mom first. She'll know how to prepare the terrain. You should tell someone in your family, too. Someone who could test the waters for you."

"Do you feel ready to meet my family?" he asked, with a crooked smile, one that Ellie had rarely seen, and she didn't know what to make of it.

"After I tell my parents it's going to be a breeze," she assured him.

"Ellie, I want you to know that I did my best to go slow with this relationship, as you seemed to want it that way," he began.

"I know, honey, and you've been great," she interrupted him.

"But I don't think I can wait any longer."

Her smile froze for a split second, before his hand opened on the table, revealing a small box. Panic rose swiftly through her; a mixture of hope that she knew what he was going to say and the fear that she might react poorly if she was right.

"Ellie, I love you and I wish I could wait as long as you need, but I have to ask you, because, to quote your favorite movie - when you know you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start right away. Will you marry me?"

"Yes."

When he slid the ring on her finger, Ellie's eyes filled with tears. It had to be the most beautiful ring she had ever seen, but Ellie would have happily accepted one found in a box of cereal, instead of the beautiful champagne diamond, as long as it was John offering it, along with his heart. Years later, Ellie would wonder if her heart had beat even once before she had answered. That decision, taken in sixteen months or a heartbeat, would prove to be one of the best she had ever taken. However, it was going to take her some time to come to that conclusion.

"I've been carrying this ring in my pocket for about three months," he confessed, kissing her hand. "I would rather have proposed to you in Venice, but I guess we're going to have the option to go there on our honeymoon."

"This might save us a lot of grief from my parents."

"I know it will save a lot of grief from mine. They're very old-fashioned when it comes to marriage."

"When the elation of the moment has passed, I'm going to have a full blown panic attack."

John smiled, and she knew he had understood perfectly what she meant. They might start to regret the secrecy of their meetings once they had to face her family, his family, the White House staff and the circus the national media will create when they learn of their engagement.

"It's a good thing we love each other. I think that will give us strength through this," he tried to comfort her.

"I was thinking exactly that."

Ellie smiled, and, blushed furiously, to John's obvious delight. Apart from thinking how lucky she was to be in love with him and at the same time to be the object of his love, Ellie was also thinking how soon the moment would come when she would cast away all her reservations and finally make love to him. She tried to mask her embarrassment by excusing herself to go to the bathroom.

* * *

"Oh, I'm sorry!" the stranger apologized after bumping into her.

"It's all right, I wasn't looking where I was going," she said and started to walk away.

Then the thing she had dreaded for the past four months happened. She heard the man calling her name.

"Elle? Elle Bartlet?"

There was only one person in the world who called her "Elle". She turned around and smiled at a delighted Will Bailey. They had first met at the ball, when Will had won the job of Assistant Communications Director after writing almost single-handedly a brilliant Inauguration speech for the President. Ellie had met Will's stepsister, Elsie, first, and she had introduced them. Will had asked her to dance and, after calling her Elsie three or four times, they had agreed that it would be better if he called her Elle and not Ellie.

"I can't believe it's you!" Will continued, catching up to her. "We never meet in Washington or anywhere on the east coast and here we are, twenty thousand miles away from where we live!"

"Hello, Will. It's good seeing you. How are you?"

"Fine. Fine. Just catching up with some friends. How are you? How have you been?"

"Good. Great." She paused, and decided to try the effect of the news on him. "I just got engaged."

Will looked, stunned, at Ellie's hand, wearing the ring she had received only a few moments earlier. He shook off his surprise and congratulated her.

"That is great news. When did it happen?"

"Oh, about ten minutes ago."

"Here? So who's the lucky guy?"

She paused, reflecting on the best way to handle this.

"I think you've met. Do you want to come say hi?"

"Sure."

As soon as Ellie turned away from him to make her way back to her table, Will's expression changed dramatically. He was probably the first person to meet Ellie's future husband, but he would rather have been the last to do so. The unhappiness was wiped off his face the instant he saw who was waiting for her to come back.

John Hoynes stood up as Ellie approached. Will saw that Hoynes's smile barely lessened even upon seeing his fiancé returning accompanied by another man. He couldn't help but appreciate the man's composure, and he remembered that he had voted for him, and not for Ellie's father, to get the Democratic nomination seven years earlier. Many things had made him reconsider his position since then, but nothing, not even the stupid way Hoynes had lost the Vice-Presidency, had made Will resent his former hero as much as the ring on Elle's finger, and the expression of adoration on her face.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Hoynes. Ellie has just told me the news. Congratulations!"

"Thank you, Will."

"I don't want to intrude any longer in this special moment. I wish you all the best, and hope to see you back in Washington," he said precipitately. "Mr. Hoynes. Elle." He bowed his head slightly and walked away.

"I have to tell him not to say anything before I tell my parents," Ellie said and rushed after him.

John watched them moving away, saw her stopping Will, but couldn't hear the conversation, which was short and ended with Ellie kissing Will on the cheek and coming back to their table. While she was returning, Will was standing very still where she had left him, and looking after her with an expression that could only mean one thing. John saw and understood, but did not say anything to Ellie, just told himself one more time he was a lucky bastard and he'd better not screw up this time.

* * *

Their dates had never been the classical lovers' encounters, and the sexual tension between them had been challenged by the stress of the approaching Fourth of July weekend. This time the discussion had taken on a very pragmatic tone.

"They're gonna want to know how we met. I don't think we should mention the X-ray thing," Ellie said.

"The bar fight thing, you mean," John said roughly.

Ellie loved his almost cowboy-like way of cutting through bullshit sometimes. In her never-ending quest to express herself in as politically correct and sensitively a way as possible, always looking out for the other person's feelings and at the same time trying to avoid misunderstandings, she often lost precious time and sometimes missed easier ways to make a point. She had made efforts to unlearn her tendency to be so damn cautious around John, and confide in him instead, but she was not yet sure that he wouldn't run away if he saw her darker side.

After the proposal, they had decided to tell one family member each. On July 1, Ellie had summoned all her courage and cornered her mother at a fund-raiser away from Washington to tell her.

To her credit, Abigail Bartlet reacted like the coolest mother in the history of American motherhood and did not make a scene. Ellie knew that her mother had it in her to make her feel like the last human being on the face of the Earth, and she was all the more grateful for the way she had chosen to take the news. More importantly, her mother had agreed to hold off on breaking the news to her father until Ellie had the chance to see him in person. Ellie suspected she had consented to keep quiet not just because Ellie had asked her, but because she didn't really want to be the one to do it. The meeting ended with one of the warmest hugs Ellie had ever given her mother.

However, that still left them with the prospect of facing her father and the American public.

"Yes. I understand what happened and I know you weren't drinking, but we don't have to give them more ammunition," Ellie said.

"Shall we make up a story?"

"Or we could use the time we met at the Ambassadors' Dinner and just say that was the first time. That's what, a few months later?"

"Are you trying to convince yourself that it's not a lie?"

"It's not really a lie. That was the first time you saw me in a dress."

"This is beginning to feel like an INS interview," he said, kissing her on the shoulder.

"This is a green card we sort of need."

"I know, baby. I'll be good."

Ellie kissed him with the intensity of the damned.

"You are good. I just hope they see it, too," she said.

"Things are already going better than I expected. Your mother took the news well, and so did my son."

"Really? I thought you two weren't getting along all that well after the divorce."

"He really hates the guy Suzanne is dating. And he seems to have quite a good opinion about you. I didn't even know that you and Van had ever talked."

Ellie looked at him horrified. Van. Van Hoynes. How could she have forgotten?

"Ellie? What is it?"

"OK. There's something I have to tell you. You're not going to be happy about it. I just didn't realize it was your son until now. I was sure he was Ben Haines, Albie Duncan's grandson."

"What is it? Did you date him?"

"God, no! He's nineteen! But it's pretty bad."

"Can't be worse than the image I just had of the two of you kissing. Tell me," he encouraged her.

"It was during one of the Inauguration Balls. He was flirting with Zoey, and Liz dispatched me to keep an eye on them. But we were so bored that we ended up sneaking in a back room and smoking a joint."

"You gave my son marijuana?! He was seventeen!"

"Actually, he offered it to us. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before."

"Do you think there's anything left to make things worse for us?" he asked, kissing her forehead to assure her he wasn't angry.

"You mean, apart from all the things we're going to hear this weekend from my family?"

"What do you think they are all going to say?"

"Oh, that's difficult. There's a large selection to chose from."

"He's enough old enough to be your father?" he suggested.

"Don't you remember he cheated on his wife of twenty years?" Ellie added.

"Are you doing this just to spite the President?"

"Do you love her?"

"Oh, well, some questions are easier to answer than others," he said, and put an end to the topic by kissing her. Ellie had no desire to dissuade him from this and they spent the rest of the evening kissing.

* * *

Jed Bartlet was looking forward to the Fourth of July weekend. Thursday evening found him in bed, brushing up his knowledge of the black and grizzly bears inhabiting Glacier Park, with which he intended to annoy Charlie and Leo around the barbecue. Abbey got in under the blanket and curled up next to him. She put her head on his chest and he moved his arm around her shoulders while continuing to read, registering the familiar warmth and weight. He kept on reading, while his running his fingers through her hair, thus enjoying two of the things he loved the most.

She opened her book, but after a while, it occurred to him that she hadn't turned a single page.

"Not a good book?" he asked.

"Hmm? I have things on my mind."

"Ellie is bringing someone for the Fourth of July," she said a few minutes later.

"She's bringing a date here? That's nice," Jed answered, looking up from his book.

"Yes. Now, darling, don't overreact. She's very serious about this one."

"Overreact? When did I ever overreact? I didn't like some of the boys she dated, but I don't overreact."

"I want you to keep an open mind when you meet him."

"Have you met him?"

"She's told me about him. You're not going to like him."

"Why? Who is it?"

"Uh-uh." Abbey shook her head. "I was specifically ordered not to tell. My lips are sealed."

"Oh, this sounds bad," Jed grumbled, setting his book aside. He glared at Abbey, but she just smiled. "Anyway, I don't have to like him. She's the one dating him."

"She might do more than just date this one."

"What? What exactly did she tell you? Is she actually serious about him?"

"Oh, more than serious," Abbey said.

"She's not engaged, is she? If my daughter is engaged to someone I want to know about it! Abbey, who is he?!"

Jed tried his threatening face, and then his pleading one, but it was obvious Abbey was enjoying his frustration and was not going to budge an inch. He gave up.

"All right, just tell me one thing - what is it about this guy makes you so sure I won't like him?" He looked her straight in the eye. "Is he a Republican?"

"No. Actually the fact that he's not a Republican might be the only thing you like about him."

* * *

Jed Bartlet was on the back porch when they approached. At first, he only saw John.

"John! What are you doing here?"

"Good afternoon, Mr. President."

"No-one told me you were coming."

"Hello, dad. I brought him," Ellie said, stepping into the light.

"Did you invite him? You gave him a ride?" he asked, still not grasping the full implications of John's presence.

"Dad, now don't get upset."

"Mr. President, Ellie and I are engaged to be married."


	9. Chapter IX

**Title: **John's Quest

**By: **Abra de Winter

**Beta By:** **dot **- without her help the story would not be nearly as good as it is. Any mistakes left in the story - all mine

**Pairing: **John Hoynes/Ellie Bartlet - Romance

**Rating: **R

**Spoilers:** season 5 episodes 15 – "Full Disclosure" and 16 – "Eppur si muove"

**Disclaimer:** The characters are from the NBC, WB, Bravo, A John Wells Prod., TV show, 'The West Wing'. They are the creation of Aaron Sorkin.

**Feedback: **yes, please!

**Chapter IX**

"Mr. President, Ellie and I are engaged to be married."

Jed thought he had heard wrongly.

"You what?"

Looking at their faces, he understood that it was not a bad joke. His conversation with Abbey started to make sense. His daughter's fiancé was... he couldn't bring himself to accept it.

"When? How did it happen? How long has this been going on?"

"We've been friends for about a year and a half, but we've started seeing each other a few months ago," Ellie said.

Her father tried to ignore that Hoynes was holding her hand. He tried, but he failed. He had to do something to separate them.

"Ellie, your mother wanted to talk to you. She's in the study. Go see her while I talk to John."

John felt Ellie squeezing his hand, wishing him luck. He watched her leave with a feeling of relief. He knew he could take whatever Bartlet was going to tell him, but he was worried that Ellie might start having second thoughts if she heard her father denouncing him. There were some things about him that her father knew, and Ellie did not. His only fear that weekend was that he could lose her. Anything else, he could take. He was sure he deserved most of the insults the others could throw at him.

However, the first question came as a complete surprise.

"Is she pregnant?"

John stifled the smile before he answered.

"No, sir."

* * *

Ellie couldn't remember walking all the way to the study. She had left John alone with her father. She was such a coward! She could have refused to leave. No. He was better than her at handling these things. All she had to do was watch out for landmines. One false step and the whole weekend could blow up.

She was about to knock when her mother opened the door.

"I heard the car. Did you tell him? How did it go?"

"We told him. It's too early to say how it went. He asked me to leave so he could talk to John."

Ellie noticed her mother's almost imperceptible twitch when she heard her say his name, but was too numb to react. She hugged Abbey, looking for some comfort in the face of the next battle.

"Where is your luggage?"

"Still in the car. There was no point in getting it out before we knew if we were staying."

"Oh, honey, of course you're going to stay. You know your father won't happy about it, but he loves you and he'll try to understand."

"Thanks, mom! I can't believe you're so cool about it."

"This is going to be a test of our liberalism. Sort of a "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?" in the White House."

Ellie smiled at her mother's attempt at a joke, but she was worried that it might be more of a "Meet the Parents" without the happy ending.

"Anyway, you're staying in your old room. I'm going to interrupt Jed's interrogation so that John can help you with the bags."

"What room is he staying in?"

"Your room, honey. The whole family's coming over this weekend and since you're engaged I talked your father into it."

Ellie's mouth dropped opened slightly as she tried to assimilate this information.

"Is there anything wrong? I thought it would be easier for the two of you to have some time alone with everything that's bound to happen here."

"Yes. Right. You're right. Thanks, mom."

John found Ellie waiting for him by the car. Abbey Bartlet's timing had been perfect, ending the first embarrassing conversation he had with the President in the capacity of future father-in-law.

"It went well," he said, before she even asked. "Better than I expected."

"He's still in shock. It could still get worse."

"You're not a very optimistic person, are you?"

He was smiling. He knew Ellie found it hard to believe he was so relaxed. She looked like she was ready to get back in the car and run away, and yet he could not share her anxiety. He took the bags out of the trunk, smiling, like everything was all right.

"Lead the way," he said, once he had everything.

Ellie walked mechanically to her room, her heart beating insanely, afraid that her father was going to show up any second and yell at them to get out of the house.

John put her suitcase on the bed, and waited for her to show him to his room.

"We're staying together."

He dropped his luggage on the floor at hearing this.

"No?!"

"Yes. Mom's idea."

"I love the twenty-first century," he said with a grin. "What did you say?"

"Nothing. What could I tell her? Like you said, everyone will think we... already."

"I can sleep on the floor, if you want."

"No."

She had answered so quickly that John shuddered. She wanted him, too. She was thinking about it as much as he was. His beloved, patient Ellie was actually very eager to be close to him.

"This is killing me," she said. "I can't wait for this weekend to be over! I hope dad's gonna behave when the others arrive."

"Who else is coming?"

"Liz, Doug and the kids, Zoey. And I think they've invited Charlie, too. Mom said the house is going to be full."

"It's better that they all find out about us together."

"You think?"

"I hope."

"There's no way to prepare for this, is there?" she asked.

"Not really."

"Anyway, I'm sure that the juicy discussions are going to be behind closed doors."

"Speaking of closed doors..." he turned the key into the lock.

"What do you have in mind?" she asked, hopefully.

"I haven't kissed you in..." he checked his watch, "three hours."

Ellie stepped eagerly into his embrace. He was still surprised sometimes at how well she fit in his arms. She suppressed a moan when his lips touched her neck gingerly.

"It feels more like three weeks. This situation simply can't go on," Ellie said.

"No, it certainly can't."

"I have never felt turned on in this house..."

John raised his head. His mouth was near her earlobe, not daring to touch her.

"...before." She finished her sentence and was rewarded with the tip of his tongue tracing the rim of her ear.

"Maybe we should elope," he suggested huskily.

"We don't have to wait to be married..."

"This is torture," he admitted, "but I'm kind of enjoying it."

"Have I told you lately you're an idiot?"

Her mouth was getting closer to his with every whispered word.

"Yes." He leaned into the kiss. "It's starting to corrode my self esteem."

"Don't joke about this. You need your self esteem for next year."

"You mean you don't want to be married to a mere lawyer, do you?"

"I'd love you even if you were the sheriff of Wolf Lake, Minnesota, but I don't think you can stay out of politics. It's who you are."

He silenced his thoughts. He could not bring himself to tell her he was not like her father. He was old enough to be the paternal figure she needed, but he knew himself to be less than she expected from him. Less brave, less smart, less...

He swooped down and possessed her mouth with a ferocity that barely expressed his desire. He tried to control his passion, but rather than stroking her hair gently, he was clutching at it desperately. He couldn't remember ever reacting this way to a woman. He wanted to please her, the way he had always striven to satisfy his partners, but unlike any time before, he wanted to possess her. He was sure of the depth of his feelings, and yet he wanted nothing more than take her violently, mark her as his own, make her forget anyone else who might have had a part of her soul.

He couldn't be absolutely sure, but she seemed to enjoy this behavior. Ellie's reactions were a delightful surprise. She had melted under his tenderness, like all the other women had before her, but she was burning brighter and more intensely the rougher his touches were.

He pushed her against a wall, and he felt a shiver running through his body when Ellie let out a moan while her arms tightened the embrace around him.

Her hands wandered over his body, bolder than ever before. His face was pressed against her neck when the realization hit him. She was counting on the fact that he would not dare to go all the way in her parents' house. She wanted to take their game further than ever before, sure that she wouldn't need a pretext to back off. He smiled. She was right, of course, but he was planning to take her way further than she was presuming.

He used his body to keep her pinned against the wall, while he began to unbutton her shirt. Ellie was clutching at his shoulders, writhing in pleasure as his mouth was going lower with every button he undid.

He had ended her lifetime addiction to sweaters the first time he undid a button of her shirt. He had taught her to adore the game of expectation.

She showed all the signs that she would welcome him tearing her clothes off there and then, but he decided to repay her teasing. This slow building of arousal was driving them both crazy. John had begun to develop self control in this area early in his marriage, when sex had to be scheduled in his wife's agenda; practiced it steadily during his affairs, when the need for secrecy overpowered the intensity of his lust, and finally mastered it when he had met Ellie. In her case the truth was quite the opposite. She had been rather uninterested in boys during her teenage years, developed her first crush at fifteen on a man who would be her idol for many years, and reached a state of almost constant arousal upon meeting John.

"I want you so badly," she whispered.

John stifled any other possible verbal encouragements with a kiss. It would've taken very little to forget he was in President Bartlet's house and make love to her. He was still vaguely aware that he should not do it. That did not mean that he couldn't keep torturing Ellie by increasing her desire and denying her relief. He spread her legs with his knee and slid his right hand between them. Ellie's teeth sank into his lower lip and her nails dug into his shoulders almost painfully when his fingers started caressing her inner thigh. He watched Ellie shut her eyes tighter, and proceeded upwards with a renewed sense of control. It was the first time they had gone this far.

He felt the wetness on his fingertips and he made an effort to slow down again. He traced the edge of her panties, while Ellie trembled.

"John," she moaned, faintly.

"Yes, Ellie?" he teased.

She did not answer coherently. A wordless moan escaped her lips, and he went on with his work. His partial detachment received a serious blow when his fingers wandered beneath the lace and reached the hottest part of her body. She was warm and wet and smooth and he had to step away before it was too late.

Ellie opened her eyes when she felt the sudden gust of cool air where his body had been.

"I think they're expecting us downstairs," he said, in a husky voice that Ellie knew and loved.

"They probably are."

He noticed the hesitation in Ellie's movements, but he was too preoccupied with getting his own body back under control to enjoy too much the effect he had had on hers. He was acting like a horny teenager, but he couldn't help himself. Six months of abstinence were catching up with him.

"We should change for lunch. The bathroom is down the hall, third door to the right."

John looked down at the bulge in his pants and decided he couldn't risk meeting anyone in his condition.

"Maybe I should change here, and you go to the bathroom."

Ellie followed his gaze and agreed. She took some clothes from her suitcase and headed for the door, but she stopped before unlocking it.

"John. You're going to pay for that," she said.

After she closed the door behind her, John started to undress. He looked at his lingering erection and told himself he was already paying.


	10. Chapter X

**Title: **John's Quest

**By: **Abra de Winter

**Beta By:** **dot **- without her help the story would not be nearly as good as it is. Any mistakes left in the story - all mine

**Pairing: **John Hoynes/Ellie Bartlet - Romance

**Rating: R**

**Spoilers:** season 5 episodes 15 – "Full Disclosure" and 16 – "Eppur si muove"

**Disclaimer:** The characters are from the NBC, WB, Bravo, A John Wells Prod., TV show, 'The West Wing'. They are the creation of Aaron Sorkin.

**Feedback: **yes, please!

**A/N**: I wish I did a better job with the reactions. Hope you're not too disappointed.

**Chapter X**

"Hoynes?!?! What the hell is she thinking?! How can she... Why would she..." Jed Bartlet was pacing back and forth across the bedroom infuriated. "And you! You! You are too calm. Are you happy with her choice?" He looked accusingly at his wife. "And how could you let them sleep together? Under my roof!"

"Are you done?"

"Not even close! I can't believe she could do this to me! It's as though she looked for the person I detest the most in the world. Is she punishing me for something? What did I do to her to make her hate me so much?"

"This may come as a shock, Jed, but I don't think you were the most reason she chose him."

"How can you defend her? She is wrong. She's wrong and I'm right. I'm usually right, but this time I'm so right that even you have to admit it."

"What exactly bothers you so much about Hoynes? So he ran against you seven years ago. Big deal! He stood by you and helped you win both elections."

"He leaked confidential information! He was shamed into resigning the Vice Presidency of the United States! He threw it all away for some cheap sex. He made a mockery of the high office that was entrusted to him. He lost his wife, his career. His affair has become a bestseller! He's too old for her. Too damaged."

"Don't be a jackass!" Abbey couldn't restrain herself any longer. "You don't really care about all that. You're still pissed that he made you beg to get him on the ticket the first time. Well, you made him pay for that. For seven years!"

"He's going to ruin her life."

"And how do you know that? You have a Nobel Prize in astrology?

"They don't award Nobel Prizes for astrology."

"Well maybe they should! You and Ellie are so much alike, you know she's never going to forgive you if you push her away this time. Think how much courage it took for them to come here and tell us."

"After sneaking around for a year and a half! How did they get away with that?"

"Jed! Think carefully before you do or say something irreparable. I don't want to lose my daughter just because you lost your cool."

"I've kept my mouth shut so far, haven't I?"

"Yes, you have. The whole ten seconds you were alone with them."

"The worst ten seconds of my life," he said, grouchily

* * *

Ellie leaned against the bathroom door and closed her eyes. She took a deep breath, exhaled, then repeated this several times trying to regain some composure. The things that man could do to her! Her legs were still shaking, her pulse racing insanely, and she wanted nothing more than go back into her room and make love to him.

She let her clothes fall onto the floor and her hand ventured between her legs, touching the very spot John's fingers had caressed less than a minute earlier. She weighed the pros and cons of taking care of business on her own. She decided against it. The situation was already too weird.

He was already dressed when she got back. Her room had never looked as strange as it did with John in it. She knew that the same could be said for her life.

"Third door on the right?" he asked.

Ellie nodded and watched him leave the room. She decided that so far, she liked the way her life was with him in it.

* * *

Ellie had made sure that they had been the first guests to arrive early on Friday, in case her father's reaction prompted them to leave in a hurry. Another reason was that she wanted to break the news to her family one at a time, not drop the bomb at the barbecue and deal with a stony silence, or a cascade of gasps. Now, she and John were going to greet the others alongside her parents, and hopefully the reactions of the rest of her family would make her father come to terms with the reality of them as a couple.

They went downstairs together, and Ellie's smile faded when she saw her father watching them. She resisted the urge to reach for John's hand. That could only make the picture look worse to her father. She had warned John that they had to avoid all public displays of affection for the rest of their stay there, but she hadn't realized how much she had become dependent on him. This was not the same as grabbing his hand while watching a scary movie, but it was similar. She needed reassurance that he was there for her, that he was going to help her through such situations.

The four of them took their places around the table set in the backyard trying to pretend that there was nothing out of the ordinary. Ellie felt as though there was a pink elephant standing on one leg in the middle of the garden and no-one was allowed to speak about it.

They were saved from the awkwardness of trivial conversation by the arrival of Ellie's elder sister and her family. Liz and Doug's reaction to the news was one of politely hidden surprise, quickly followed by formal congratulations. Annie, Elizabeth's daughter, had wriggled out of the boring family occasion, and was spending the Fourth of July with her friends. Seven-year-old Gus didn't really care who his Aunt Ellie was going to marry. He was more preoccupied with going to the stables to visit the horse his grandfather had given him last birthday. He dragged her father away, thus earning Ellie's secret gratitude.

Liz and Doug retired to their room to change, leaving the three of them alone to await the next guests. Zoey and Charlie were the next to arrive.

"I can't believe you're taking his side!" They heard Zoey's voice from the house.

"All I said was that he made a fair point," Charlie replied.

"Really? Then how..."

Zoey stopped when she saw Hoynes, who was standing up to greet them along with Ellie and her mother.

"Oh, my God, it's you!" she exclaimed, before Ellie could stop her. "I had the feeling that Ellie was dating someone, and now I see why she was so damn secretive! Dad must have had a cow!"

"Zoey!" Abbey reacted instinctively. "What kind of language is that?"

But Zoey took no notice.

"You must be crazy to be here," she told John, who was obviously amused. "Man, Ellie, you don't do stupid things often, but when you do... How did she get you to come here?" she addressed John again.

"We came to announce our engagement," John said.

Charlie, who was shaking John's hand, had on his poker face, although it wasn't much help to him when he bluffed, nor was it helpful now to hide his emotions. He had been worried about his first visit to the Bartlets as Zoey's boyfriend, but he had nothing to worry about in comparison. Charlie knew the President's opinion of John Hoynes almost as well as Leo did, and he knew the pressure was going to be off him and on Hoynes. He wasn't going to be the target of any "should have built a dungeon" type jokes now. Hoynes was going to be on the receiving end of most of the President's aggravation.

Abbey decided to take them to their rooms, in an attempt to make Zoey stop giggling and making fun of Ellie, who was already turning white.

"See? It wasn't all that bad," John said, once they were alone.

"You realize they're all talking about it now? How much longer do we have to stay?"

He checked his watch.

"About thirty six hours."

"Oh, God!" she exclaimed. "I'll never make it. When they're all here... it's going to be crazy. What would be a good excuse for getting out of lunch?"

"You shouldn't use the one about feeling ill. Your father might doubt my word that you're not pregnant if you keep going to the bathroom."

"He asked you that? I can't believe it!"

The outrage brought the color back to her cheeks. It was short-lived, because a moment later she became very pale when she heard Leo McGarry's voice.

"I thought I heard voices out here," Leo said, coming out of the house with a woman Ellie had never seen before.

The image of John holding Ellie's hand stopped him dead in his tracks. The bits of rumor he had heard and discarded as tabloid wet dreams buzzed in his head.

"Hello, Leo," John said and extended his hand.

It seemed to take ages for Leo to accept it. He turned on the auto-pilot and introduced his date, Jordan Kendall.

"So, John, what brings you here?" Leo asked, still unwilling to believe the rumors he had heard.

"They're engaged to be married," Jed informed him, coming back with his grandson.

Leo turned around, and tried to guess how his friend was feeling. He wasn't glad about it, that was sure, but not even Leo could figure out just how mad he was.

"Let me show you to your rooms," Jed offered.

Ellie and John were left alone once again. She was shaking and John took her in his arms, rocking her gently. Ellie's first instinct was to protest, worried that someone might come back and see them, but the sensation of safety made her keep quiet and enjoy the comfort of his embrace.

"I bet that if I stuck a needle in you, you wouldn't even bleed," he said.

"What?" she asked, absent-mindedly.

"You're so tense."

"Yes, I am. And I don't understand why you aren't. How can you be so calm? I feel like there's a storm gathering in the house and it's going to come out and blow me away."

"I've been through worse. At least this time I have something amazing to look forward to."

"You're amazing," she said.

"No, you are."

He kissed her tenderly on the temple. Ellie sighed and disentangled herself from his embrace. There was no point in getting too comfortable since the others were bound to come back any minute. She didn't want to be caught with her guard down.

* * *

Half an hour later, the Bartlets and their friends had gathered in the backyard. They were all trying hard to act like it was a regular get-together. Ellie thought of the pink elephant again. Maybe some good could come from having a repressed New England family like hers after all. She was less likely to have to deal with screaming matches, shouted insults and slammed doors.

After her mother's warning, Zoey had tried to resist taunting her favorite sister. She talked about the weather as long as she could, but her patience soon ran out, and once lunch was over, the conversation turned to tennis.

"You owe me a rematch," Zoey reminded Ellie.

"Why you keep insisting, I'll never know. You haven't won a match since that time I played left-handed."

"Hey, I've been practicing a lot lately. Unlike you, locked up in your little lab, with your little microscopes and things. What, are you scared?"

"Puh-lease!" Ellie waved her hand, dismissively.

"Suit up, then!"

"Fine! Tennis court, five minutes."

They both ran into the house to get changed, and by the time they arrived at the tennis court, the whole family had assembled there.

* * *

'_I can do this,'_ John had told himself when he saw Ellie. _'I lasted for six months, I can stand another weekend.'_ He tried to talk himself back to sanity. _'Bartlet's right there looking at me like he's one phone call away from having me put down like a rabid animal. And why the hell is Leo so damn sulky? I kind of counted on him to be supportive through this. How long has it been this time?'_ He checked his watch. He hadn't looked at Ellie's ass in thirty seconds. He gripped his iced tea and tried to focus his attention on the match, not on the way her short skirt revealed almost as much of her body as he had seen in the privacy of her apartment.

'_At least Zoey doesn't play that well.'_ He was trying to find something to cling onto. _'Another twenty-thirty minutes or so and the game will be over. This is not the sort of problem I envisioned having this weekend. I really wish Bartlet would say something nasty already! Usually you can't get a word in edgeways. He should really have started screaming by now! I need something to get my mind off her and her short, painfully short, skirt.'_

He remembered Ellie's sporting tales; he knew that she had played soccer and she had had a choice between tennis camp and a trip through Europe at the age of sixteen; he had listened to her stories on their dates, and they had created the picture of a tomboy that he had never truly reconciled with the sweet, delicately sensual Ellie he knew. But now, now, he understood.

Leo's pager beeped, attracting everyone's disapproving gaze. He went inside to make the call, and returned a few minutes later, to call Jed away. John relaxed a little and went back to the torture of the tennis match.

"That was good! You have practiced," Ellie smiled, after her sister won a hard-fought point.

"A-ha, the student becomes the teacher, Obi Wan!" Zoey screamed before her serve.

However, Ellie won the next point almost effortlessly. She hadn't played tennis in a long time, but she was in peak physical condition. She had tried to exhaust the frustration accumulated during her dates with John by frequent visits to the gym. She snuck a peek at John, who was talking to Doug, and nearly missed a volley. God, she had to find a way out of their not-before-the-wedding understanding!

Ellie won two games in thirty-five minutes, and headed for the bathroom upstairs to shower. She wished she could jump into John's arms, but she had to settle for his smile as he accompanied her back to the house.

* * *

Getting out of the shower, she was feeling squeaky clean, and energized to the maximum. Her excitement took on a brand new connotation when she came back to the room to see John lying on her bed.

"That was a good game, wasn't it?" she asked. "I had forgotten how good it feels to play tennis!"

"I was wondering," he said, walking past her. "Why do you have a lock on your door?"

He finished his question by turning the key in the lock. His back was to her and she couldn't see his expression. Ellie's previously cheerful mood turned into anxious expectation. What was he going to do? All the tension released during the match was building up again, rapidly. Was he going to... No. He couldn't. He wouldn't. Would he?

"I, I..." she tried to find something to say, suddenly very aware that she wasn't wearing anything beneath her bathrobe.

"I might have a good use for it."

'_Oh, God, yes, no, he isn't, he wouldn't dare.'_

"You see, it just hit me that I have never seen you naked." He walked calmly toward her. "And I was thinking this would be about as good a time as any. Since there are no secret service agents outside to think dirty things about us."

Ellie took a half a step backwards and tripped over his suitcase. John pushed it casually under her bed and took another step closer to her. Ellie's hands had fallen limp by her sides, and she felt utterly unable to react in any way. She was hypnotized by his stare. He maintained eye contact until their bodies touched. When his hands sneaked beneath her bathrobe and rested lightly on her shoulders, Ellie closed her eyes and braced herself for the inevitable.

She felt John's hands trembling as they slid over her chest and wondered whether his self-control was as fragile as her own. His breath hissed between her teeth as he cupped her breasts for a long moment before resuming his journey. His hands stopped on her hips. She didn't dare to open her eyes.

"Ellie."

His voice sounded hoarse as though he was making efforts to keep it under control.

"Ellie," he called again. "Look at me."

She did. His usually crystal clear blue gaze was now hazy. But then again, her head was spinning so fast that she could hardly see him at all.

"Yes," she answered in a voice every bit as throaty as his.

He didn't say anything, just slid the bathrobe off her. She closed her eyes again, and barely managed to keep standing.

"Let me promise you something," he said, while his hands gently squeezed her breasts. "On Monday morning, you will still be able to swear in a court of law that we did not have sexual relations."

The meaning of his words reached her brain a lot later than the sound of his voice.

"What?" she said, opening her eyes.

"Trust me." He captured her mouth in a kiss. "I'm a lawyer."

The whole situation was making less and less sense, but Ellie had stopped thinking. She hung on to his shoulders as his hand slipped between her thighs. He supported her back with his left arm and lowered her slowly onto the bed. She felt as though she was floating until the weight of his body pressed her hard into the mattress. He held her prisoner in a long, drugging kiss for what seemed like hours, giving her time to get used to the feel of him on top of her.

Ellie nearly screamed when he ended the kiss and stood up. She didn't have time to react in any way because he had already spread her legs and knelt between them at the side of the bed.

"Oh, God, John, no! Stop!" Ellie begged, knowing that she wouldn't be able to be quiet if he went on.

"Or what?" he asked, while he continued to caress her inner thighs, unruffled.

"Or I might scream," she whispered, clutching at the sheets.

"I don't think you should do that," he said, and he trailed upwards with his fingers until he reached Ellie's hot core once again.

She did her best to stifle a whimper when he began to explore her. God, he knew what he was doing! He seemed to be able to guess what she liked, and somehow managed to go beyond it, teaching her new sensations.

He started to sprinkle kisses in a spiral towards her center, and Ellie's ragged breathing became an almost painful attempt to keep silent. When he dipped his tongue into her for the first time, Ellie's neck muscles contracted in a soundless cry.

He took pity on her and he did not delay her climax for too long, although he could probably have kept her on the edge for hours. He applied the right amount of pressure, he kept the rhythm of his lapping steady, and soon felt her tremble uncontrollably under his magic.

"You've been a very good girl," he said, getting up. "I'm sure we'll do this again soon. Now it's my turn to hit the shower," he said, grabbing the bathrobe and towel he had prepared before her arrival and left the room, keeping them carefully over his groin.


	11. Chapter XI

**Title: **John's Quest

**By: **Abra de Winter

**Beta By:** **dot **– who saved this chapter from a very unfortunate fate with excellent observations and advices.

**Pairing: **John Hoynes/Ellie Bartlet - Romance

**Rating: P**G13

**Spoilers:** season 5 episodes 15 – "Full Disclosure" and 16 – "Eppur si muove"

**Disclaimer:** The characters are from the NBC, WB, Bravo, A John Wells Prod., TV show, 'The West Wing'. They are the creation of Aaron Sorkin.

**Feedback: **yes, please!

**A/N**: Thank you so much for the comments everyone!

**Chapter XI**

"Is he worth it, Ellie?"

"Zoey, I don't want to talk about it."

"You don't have a choice any more. You can't expect me to leave you alone after you sprang this on us."

"Why not? What's so damn horrible about what I did?"

"I wouldn't say horrible. It's not exactly horrible. Just shocking. A little perverse maybe."

"Why? Because he's older than me? Divorced? Because he quit his job two years ago?"

"Because he's John Hoynes. And you can't say he quit his job. That wasn't a regular job he had. He betrayed the trust of the people who elected him."

"Unlike Dad, who has been so upfront about his health from the beginning!" Ellie replied, upset.

"Don't drag Dad into this!"

"I'm not the one dragging him into this. He's the main reason the situation is so weird. If it weren't for his resentment toward John, you might actually be happy for me. No-one else in our family hates John. I remember very well what we were saying about him, less than two years ago."

"Slumber party talk over a gallon of ice-cream is not the same as a lifetime commitment."

"You know, if I were anyone else but President Bartlet's daughter, everyone would see me as a gold digger."

"Oh, yes." Zoey grinned. "He's loaded. I forgot. So, is that why you're doing this?" she asked, wriggling her eyebrows.

"Very funny!"

"Well, he is, isn't he? Good instinct, sis. Maybe that's the argument that's gonna swing Dad over."

"Zoey!"

"Oh, where's your sense of humor?"

"I lost it on the way here. I hope I'll find it again when we leave."

"Didn't you swear that you were never getting involved with a politician? I'm pretty sure I remember you saying that when Dad won the nomination."

"Things change. I kept out of politics and what good did that do me? Last year they politicized my research just to take a swing at Dad."

"You aren't still angry about that?"

"Wouldn't you be?"

"Surely you can't blame Dad for that."

"Really? Who do you think I should blame?"

"Ellie." Suddenly, Zoey looked very serious. "Tell me you're not doing this just to annoy Dad?"

Ellie stared at her, apparently on the verge of a revelation.

"Ellie!"

"No," she answered, eventually. "No, I'm not." But her voice lacked conviction. "I love him, Zoey." She tried to put the memory of the last tumultuous months into her tone.

She loved him, but if she had to be completely honest with herself, she would not have dated him if she were not sure that her father didn't like him. Zoey was right. She had vowed to stay away from politicians. But she had not stayed away. And she loved him.

* * *

Ellie woke up feeling the pressure of a warm body molded against hers. She kept her eyes shut, enjoying the new sensation. She had carefully avoided any sleepovers before, and though the sensation was amazing, she decided would keep it that way after they left the farm. That didn't stop her memorizing every little detail, to last her for the six weeks until her wedding night.

He had started stirring, and Ellie hesitated for a while. She wanted to go all the way, but a morning quickie, before having showered or even brushed her teeth was not the memory she wanted for their first time.

"John," she whispered.

He moaned and rolled partially on top of her. His right hand had settled over her breast and that felt so good...

He suddenly jerked his head away from her breast.

"Good morning," she greeted him with a smile.

John jumped out of bed, and started apologizing.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to..."

"I know."

Ellie swallowed, trying to ignore the way his morning erection showing through his boxers matched her own desire.

* * *

After enduring the tense atmosphere throughout lunch, Ellie led John to a folly her great-grandfather had built more than half a century ago. She used to go there whenever she needed to be alone.

"I hope you won't find it too boring when people get over the shock," John said, holding her in his arms.

"That's not going to be any time soon, is it?" she smiled. "We still have to face your parents, your friends, my friends, the press..."

It was pretty hard to believe, but Ellie was beginning to feel the general disapproval of their relationship as less of a deterrent and more as an incentive.

* * *

"I'm beginning to feel sorry for him," Jed told Leo out of the blue.

"What? Why?" his friend asked, stunned.

"I don't think she's that much in love with him. In hindsight, he never did have good instincts about women. Suzanne was a cold shrew, and as for Helen Baldwin..."

"You can't compare Ellie with them! She's too good for him!"

"Come on, Leo, she's just as wrong for him as he is for her."

* * *

By late on Saturday, things seemed to have finally settled down. Ellie looked around at her family, and, for the first time that weekend, she saw them acting normally, not tense or strange or cautious. Even Leo's eyes had stopped throwing flames, and he was smiling at something Jordan was telling him. But she didn't relax. There was one person, conspicuous through his absence, who hadn't yet accepted her choice. Ellie knew she had to face him. She went to see him while John was talking to her mother.

Her father was in the library, looking over some documents. Ellie's favorite memory of her father was during his days as a simple college professor. She knew that this time he wasn't grading papers, but he looked much the same as he had fifteen years ago, before he had become the Governor of New Hampshire, long before the Presidency nightmare. She shook her head. He wasn't the gentle, annoyingly pedantic college professor any more. For all she knew, he was approving the sale of arms to Qumar.

"Hi, Dad.'

"Hello, Ellie."

"How are you?"

"Not that well."

"I can tell."

"Can you? I don't think you can, or you wouldn't do this."

"Do what, Dad? Fall in love? Get married?"

"To someone like Hoynes? Haven't you learned anything from his past?"

"That's all it is. His past."

"Those who don't learn from the mistakes of the past are bound to repeat them."

"I've made no mistakes. I have nothing to repeat."

"His mistakes, Ellie."

"I'm appointing myself his guardian angel. If I guarantee you he won't make any more mistakes, will you give us your blessing?"

"Do you even want it?"

"Yes. But I could live without it because I have a lifetime to prove to you that I made the right choice. What bothers me most of all is that your attitude, your prejudices, influence the whole family. I love our family and I love you, Dad, but if you keep this up, I'll have to make my own family. Without all of you."

"Are you threatening me?"

"Am I really so important to you that you see it as a threat?"

"Of course you're important to me, Ellie. I thought you knew that by now."

"This isn't really about _me_ at all, is it? It's about you and John."

"John," he said in a disgusted tone.

"Yes! John. The man I'm going to marry in less than two months. But that's not how you see him. You still see him as a rival. As the man who nearly beat you for the nomination. You have no idea how often I wished these past years that he had won that time."

"If he had, he would still be married. You would have missed the love of your life."

"At least I would have had a normal life. Not a press release."

"So you're just doing this to punish me for becoming President?"

"No, Dad. It's you who is punishing us. Me for wanting him. Him for helping you become President."

"Is that what he told you? That I owe him the elections? That he handed me the South?"

"No. He didn't have to tell me anything. I'm not deaf, or blind, or stupid. You preach tolerance for others' beliefs, but you don't tolerate his views. Actually, you resent him. Because he helped you. And because he wanted credit for it."

"He had all the credit that was due to him. He was Vice President of the United States. He threw it away."

"Thank God you're perfect, Dad."

"I loathe him, Ellie. I can't help it."

"And that takes precedence over the love you should have for me?"

"No. I'm trying to accept him, but I'm worried for you. He doesn't deserve you."

"When has that ever mattered in love?"

"I'm afraid he'll hurt you."

"That's something you shouldn't worry about. If I learned anything from you, it's that I should never give a man enough power to hurt me. So rest assured, he won't hurt me more that you have."

"I'm sorry. How did I... I never meant to hurt you..."

"I never lived up to your expectations. You've always made me feel like I failed you in some way. Even if things don't work out with me and John, that won't mean you're right. This is my choice."

"You are not a failure, Ellie."

"I am to you."

Jed Bartlet looked, puzzled, at his daughter. He couldn't believe that under the cool, collected exterior of this beautiful young woman was hidden such a deep-seated self-doubt. He had always taken his daughter's love for granted, even at the worst times in their relationship.

"I love you, Ellie. I'm your father. I do worry you might make a mistake. Both of you. But if you're sure it's what you want, I truly hope... I hope you'll be very happy together."

He held out his arms to her. Ellie regarded him for a long moment, and then sighed. She hugged him dutifully.

"OK, Dad," she said. "I suppose that's the best you can do."

* * *

An easy way assessing Ellie's level of anxiety was to take a quick look around her room. The tidier it was, the higher her stress levels. After talking to her father, Ellie went straight to her room and started to tidy up.

"I was wondering where you were," John said, coming in. "You just disappeared."

"I wanted to be alone for a while. They've calmed down now, but seeing them all together started to annoy me. I haven't seen so much of my family since Zoey's kidnapping," Ellie said, rearranging some clothes, careful to keep her face turned away from John.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just tired," she lied. "Here. I made you some space in the wardrobe. I know we leave in the morning, but I wanted to mark another step in our relationship."

"I'd rather have some space in your apartment."

"Hey, don't ask for too much. I've never even been in _your_ apartment."

"That's because you have unresolved intimacy issues. And because it was too much of a risk for you to come to Washington. But you don't have that excuse any more. You'll have to come."

"We'll see."

"I love your enthusiasm," he said, kissing her on the shoulder. "All right then. Let's mark this stage of our relationship."

He put his clothes neatly in the empty drawer. He had finished and was about to close the doors when his gaze fell on an unusual piece of clothing hanging neatly on a coat hanger.

"What's this?" he asked, pointing at the dress.

"Oh, that's my high school uniform. I told you I went to a Catholic school."

"Why is it here, with your regular clothes? Do you still wear it?"

"Actually, I wore it last Halloween."

"Could you please pack it for the honeymoon? Along with that skimpy little thing you wore yesterday at tennis."

"You'd like that? What outfits will you bring? Do you have a cowboy suit? We could play the Catholic schoolgirl and the good ol' boy."

"You don't need a costume to be a good ol' boy. You just have to talk this way," he said in a lazy voice, with a strong southern accent. "Treat your lady right. Do just about anything to please her."

John's low tone was resonating through her body. She licked her lips nervously, and pulled him closer. This time she wasn't going to let him get the upper hand.

"What if the lady wants to please him?" she asked, and pushed him onto the bed.

John landed on his back, already heavily turned on. Ellie straddled him, moving very slowly. She settled over his groin, and began to rock softly back and forth.

She leaned over and kissed him, but she left him wanting more. She brushed his hands from her hair and stood up again. She unbuttoned her shirt slowly, and as soon as she released her breasts from their lacy enclosure John cupped them eagerly. Ellie bit her lip painfully, trying to stop herself from moaning when he started rubbing her hardened nipples. This turned out to be next to impossible once he sat up and started sucking on one while still rasping the other. She pressed his head harder against her breast, and instinctively created a pleasurable rhythm by grinding her body against him.

"The door is unlocked," she said, in between gasps.

He didn't seem to have heard, and Ellie had no will to stop him. She had lost all sense of caution when he said:

"We should lock it."

She stood up, regretfully, and started to walk toward the door when he caught her hand and pulled her onto the bed, next to him. He sat on one elbow and caressed her swollen breast, which still bore marks of his teeth and his beard.

"I should have shaved before doing this."

"Are you kidding? It was amazing."

Her voice sounded hoarse from all the silent screaming and her mounting desire. Her tone, along with her words, acted like a powerful aphrodisiac and before he knew it, John was on top of her, plunging his tongue ravenously in her mouth. To his surprise, Ellie parted her legs to accommodate him. He began thrusting against her, in an attempt to obtain release.

"John, stop," she whispered after a while. "They can hear the bed."

"We're getting a soundproof room on our honeymoon," he said, after he stopped moving, "because I'm not going to hold back for anything!"


	12. Chapter XII

**Title: **John's Quest

**By: **Abra de Winter

**Beta By:** **dot **- without her help the story would not be nearly as good as it is. Any mistakes left in the story - all mine

**Pairing: **John Hoynes/Ellie Bartlet - Romance

**Rating: **PG13

**Spoilers:** season 5 episodes 15 – "Full Disclosure" and 16 – "Eppur si muove"

**Disclaimer:** The characters are from the NBC, WB, Bravo, A John Wells Prod., TV show, 'The West Wing'. They are the creation of Aaron Sorkin.

**Feedback: **pretty please!

**Chapter XII**

"It's not the end of the world if we don't wait."

She found it impossible to argue while he was squeezing her breast with one hand, his other hand sliding down her dress.

'I'll stop if you ask me, but I wish you wouldn't. God, you're so beautiful."

How could she tell him to stop when his hot breath on her neck was scorching her skin, and lighting a fire deep within her body, the kind of fire no number of cold showers could put out...? She couldn't, so she didn't say anything. She let him do what he wanted, and prayed that he didn't come to his senses and send them back to picking flower arrangements for the wedding.

"I want you so bad," he said, breathing heavily, while his hands sneaked beneath her panties.

"I want you, too," she replied, as if he wouldn't have known that already by the wetness that soaked his fingers as he rubbed small circles over her throbbing flesh.

"Yeah?" he grunted. "How bad?"

"Soooo bad," she moaned, and spread her legs just a little further apart...

"What do you think about this one?" Zoey asked, rousing Ellie from her daydream. She was holding yet another design for the bridesmaids' dresses.

"Huh? Sure. Do you like it?"

"You know, it's no fun doing this if you keep spacing out every five minutes."

"I got a wedding coordinator just so that I didn't have to do so much stuff. Why don't you ask her? This is ridiculous."

"I hope you're not about to bring up that stupid plan again," Zoey warned her.

"Why not? What's wrong with just us and our families on a beach somewhere? I don't need all this."

"You mean you don't want to show him off? He's a good looking guy. For his age."

"I just want this to be over! I thought the press was on my case before. Now I get three requests for interviews a day and I can't open a magazine without reading something about us."

"You had it easy up to now. You've made your choice. And you shouldn't be too hopeful that it will be over after the wedding either."

"Yes, but after the wedding we can lock ourselves in the house."

"I wish you'd stop reminding me you're sleeping with him."

"Fine. OK then. Can we settle on this one? In lavender?" Ellie waved vaguely at the sketch in Zoey's hand.

"You really don't want to put any thought into this wedding, do you?"

Ellie sighed, and looked at the calendar again. Time seemed to be crawling.

* * *

'She never knocks!' he thought.

Helen Baldwin had entered his office with her usual aplomb. She sat across the desk from him, like any other client.

"You look good," she said.

"Why are you here?" John asked.

"I missed you."

No. That wasn't right. She couldn't have missed him. She hated him. She had tried to destroy him. And she had damn near succeeded.

"Now the real reason," he demanded.

She stood up, and began pacing. He wondered if she was really nervous or she was just showing off her body. She looked good. Better than he remembered through the cloud of resentment.

"I'm sorry. I came to tell you that I am sorry for what I did to you."

"Do you intend to come to the point any time soon? I have a business dinner at seven."

She walked slowly to his side. She was so close... All of a sudden the last two years seemed to have never passed. She was wearing the same perfume. The one that clung to his skin long after he left her bed. Her hair was longer, and suddenly he had the need to reach out and caress it. It felt soft and silky under his fingers. He had always thought of her hair as black silk. He remembered everything now. Not just the hatred and self loathing. He remembered being in love with her. Truly in love. And, of course, he remembered the lust. His body reacted again to her presence.

"I really did miss you, John."

Her whisper found its way under his skin. Parts of him were melting, while others were stiffening.

"John."

She said his name like a prayer. He felt her breath on his cheek and could not find the will to step away from her.

Her mouth found his. The kiss ignited all the passion he had tried so hard to forget.

"Can you forgive me?" she begged.

"Shut up," he said.

He didn't want to think any more. He wanted to lose himself in her arms, in her body. She let him in, no questions asked, no demands. She relished his desire. They came together like two thirsting people at a mountain spring.

He thrust into her, harder and faster, until he exploded in her depths. She was shaking from her own orgasm when John poured his liquid fire into her.

"Oh, John, yes," she moaned.

"Oh, Ellie," he groaned and woke up.

'This is something to tell your therapist,' he thought.

Oliver had advised him to go to a shrink after the divorce, but he had decided to bury himself in work instead. This dream, however, was not something he could conceal under a ton of paperwork.

Why was his subconscious bringing back Helen? He hadn't thought about her in a long time. It was even longer since he had thought about her fondly. Did he miss Helen? Did he really need sex so badly? No. He was actually happy with his relative celibacy. He liked having phone sex with Ellie. And most of all he enjoyed the knowledge that she wanted him. Whenever he remembered the highlights of their weekend at the Bartlets, he lost his concentration and it took a great deal of discipline to get back to reality.

So why had Helen popped up out of his subconscious if it wasn't for the sex? The other thing he associated with her was mistrust. She had betrayed him. He thought he'd never trust anyone again after that. Definitely not a woman. Least of all an attractive woman. An attractive woman who seemed to be attracted to him. But he trusted Ellie. Didn't he?

* * *

The shrill sound of the phone woke her up. Ellie opened one eye and looked at the display. She smiled and answered.

"I was dreaming about you," she said.

"Tell me everything," John said.

"In twenty days, I'll show you."

"Nineteen days."

"I miss you so much."

"I thought you might."

"That's why you called? You're so considerate."

"Oh, I'm a regular boy scout."

"You mean you're always ready?"

"I'm always ready for you, baby."

"That's comforting. And slightly frustrating."

"I called because I had to know what ice sculpture you've chosen."

Ellie groaned into the phone. He'd better be joking!!!

"Oh God, this is a nightmare, isn't it?"

She heard him laugh a little and the need to have him in her bed became stronger.

"I still can't believe you don't like planning the wedding. I always thought girls loved this sort of thing."

"Most of them do. All the women in my family certainly do. Although I have a suspicion that Zoey's only doing it to see me squirm. She keeps asking me to choose between dozens of shades and textures and stuff. The only thing that keeps me going is the prospect of the honeymoon. How are you holding on?"

"Great. Time seems to have slowed down considerably, but other than that I'm OK. Besides, all I have to do is be in church at the right time."

"You lucky bastard! I feel like I'm planning to rob a bank. The wedding coordinator must have run a prison in a previous life. She's scary!"

"I'm sorry to hear that. I was hoping you'd be having fun."

"No. Not really. Are you having fun?"

"I was working on the vows and it just made me realize how much I miss you and how much I wish I were with you."

"Me too. About the vows, though. You really want us to write our own vows?"

"Why?"

"Well, I'm sort of having trouble. I tried to write one that would sound good to my parents and the general public, but it came out all stiff and fake. Then I tried to write one just for you..."

"And?"

"And... I kept falling into these never ending daydreams... Not wedding vows material...It's your damn fault for what you did to me that weekend!"

"Good." His voice was husky and Ellie shivered.

"You don't have to enjoy it so much."

"Why not? Wouldn't you like to hear that I have an x-rated dreams about you, too?"

"Do you?"

"Honey, I could write a book."

"You should. Or at least give it a chapter in your memoirs."

"Why the hell would I write my memoirs?"

"Come on, honey, you're not going to let Helen have the last word."

She had meant it as a joke, but the silence at the other end of the line was deafening. Ellie had told him long ago that she had read Helen's book. She wished he had healed enough to joke about it. Perhaps it was too soon. She was lying. She didn't just want him to heal; she wanted him to be indifferent to Helen, so she, Ellie, wouldn't be jealous any more. Jealousy was a whole new emotion for Ellie, who had never cared so much for anyone before. She didn't like being jealous.

How could she be jealous of a woman who had nearly destroyed him? Because that woman had changed the course of his life. She couldn't compete with that. Not unless she got him elected President. Anything short of that wouldn't measure up to the earthquake that had been Helen Baldwin. Getting him the highest office was something Suzanne had tried, and John had failed at for reasons Ellie couldn't still fully understand. She did not feel about Suzanne the same way she felt about Helen. But she couldn't tell him any of this.

"I love you, Ellie."

He had said it before, and she had believed him. But this time his voice was strange, almost pathetic. The declaration had broken the flow of their conversation. Why did he feel the need to say it after she had mentioned Helen? Doubts started creeping from her subconscious.

"I love you, too," she replied instinctively, covering the doubts buzzing in her head.

She stared into the dark for a while after she had hung up. The doubts were homing in on her. The first one was a timid: What if Dad is right? She squashed it with from force of habit. Her father was often right, but never about her.

What was she doing marrying a man almost twice her age? A man she knew for a fact was a cheater... A man who knew how to manipulate women... An ex-politician... Hadn't she decided not to hurry into a marriage? She should have lived with him for a while before rushing into such a commitment. She should have at least slept with him. Well, it was unlikely that the sex would be the deal breaker. There was no way in hell she wasn't going to enjoy that. Considering the effect he had on her with all their clothes on. Oh, yes. That was a possible answer. Her hormones had taken her over.


	13. Chapter XIII

**Title: **John's Quest

**By: **Abra de Winter

**Beta By:** **dot **- without her help the story would not be nearly as good as it is. Any mistakes left in the story - all mine

**Pairing: **John Hoynes/Ellie Bartlet - Romance

**Rating: **G

**Spoilers:** season 5 episodes 15 – "Full Disclosure" and 16 – "Eppur si muove"

**Disclaimer:** The characters are from the NBC, WB, Bravo, A John Wells Prod., TV show, 'The West Wing'. They are the creation of Aaron Sorkin.

**Feedback: **pretty please!

Thank you very much for your comments! They make me love writing this story all the more. Abra

**Chapter XIII**

**Two weeks before the wedding, in Ellie's apartment **

"I think we should have a pre-nup," Ellie said, in a conversational tone.

"Why? Do you plan on leaving me?"

His tone was casual, and he was smiling, but he was worried.

"No. It's just that you never know how things change. We should at least consider having one."

It was not the first time she had steered the conversation this way. Maybe she was doing it unconsciously, but she had brought up the subject of a possible break up several times in the past few weeks.

"Some things will not change. How I feel about you, for instance."

Her jaw locked for a second, before she answered, and he knew she must have censored the first reply that had come to mind. She did that a lot lately, he realized, but he tried to ignore both the gesture, and its possible meaning.

"Oh, come on, it's not unreasonable," she said making an effort to keep the same casual tone. "I can't believe I'm the one asking you for a prenuptial agreement. You're the one who has more to lose. I'm just a poor scientist. I don't want people to think that I'm taking advantage of you."

"I don't think there's any danger of that."

"Because I'm the President's daughter? Well, he's not going to be President for ever. If we break up..."

"Divorce," he interrupted her curtly. "It would be a divorce. Nothing as easy and uncomplicated as a break up. You shouldn't be afraid to use the right term."

He saw that she had sensed the anger beneath this tirade, but he couldn't help it. He saw on her face that expression he had begun to fear. The one he interpreted as "what the hell am I doing with this guy?"

"I don't understand why you're so upset. We're just talking."

"No. You're talking about it. I'm not."

He stood up. He was not at all sure of what he might say if he stayed any longer. The mere idea that they might need a prenuptial agreement was making his blood boil. They weren't even married yet and already she was thinking of a way out.

"I have to go. I have an early meeting tomorrow."

"Don't leave like this! John!"

John appreciated the effort, but he had no wish to be dragged into a fight.

"Good bye, Ellie," he said, and kissed her formally on her cheek.

"Fine! Good bye! I'm right about this!" he heard her say as he closed the door behind him.

* * *

**The next day**

_CNN breaking news:_

"_Johns Hopkins" hospital quarantined as a result of anthrax threats. FBI officials declared that the threats are serious, and all suspect packages inside the hospital are being carefully analyzed. _

Fifteen minutes before the CNN announcement the senior staff of the West Wing had gathered outside the Oval Office.

"Does anybody know? Is Ellie there?" Will asked in a strangled voice.

"Margaret is calling her right now," Leo answered, looking at his wrist watch. The President was receiving the new Swiss ambassador, and he hadn't been told yet.

When the door of the Oval Office opened everyone from Leo to Will tensed up even more. They watched as Charlie led the Ambassador out, and they envied the fact that he would not being around when President Bartlet learned about this particular crisis. Just as he passed them, Margaret rushed up to speak to Leo.

"She's in there," she whispered.

* * *

John Hoynes looked at his cell phone in annoyance. Who the hell was sending him an SMS in the middle of an important meeting? His features did not lighten when he saw it was from Ellie. The content was elliptic enough to annoy him even more: "i'm ok."

'Good for you,' he said to himself, thinking of their last conversation. He was already feeling guilty about what he considered to be an overreaction. He had stormed out like a soap opera character, without having a mature, rational discussion. He knew only one way out of this situation; he'd buy her flowers, take her out to dinner and apologize, even if he believed he was right. It had always worked in the past. His troubles had started once he had stopped apologizing.

An hour later, he was driving back to his office when he heard the news of the quarantine of Johns Hopkins on the radio. He turned the car around, and headed for the White House. He tried calling her on her cell phone, but all he got was the voice mail. That meant that the security measures were so severe that once quarantine was instated, they suspended all communications with the exterior. She must have barely had the time to send him that short message before the FBI confiscated her cellphone.

* * *

"Leo, Mr. John Hoynes is in the lobby. He's asking to see you," Margaret said.

Ten minutes later, a frantic John Hoynes was entering Leo McGarry's office.

"What's going on, Leo? How serious is it?" he asked.

"John, you know I can't discuss matters of..."

"Dammit, I have to know! Is she in danger?" he interrupted Leo.

"We don't have all the details."

For some reason, Leo seemed almost to enjoy seeing him distressed. He knew Leo was under no obligation to inform him, as Ellie's fiancé, of the situation. Actually, he was expressly forbidden to discuss security matters with people who did not have clearance.

"LEO!" John's shout carried outside the office walls. "Please," he added.

Leo's glare became slightly less fierce. John knew that the thought of him and Ellie together probably turned Leo's stomach, but he hoped that Leo would believe that his love for Ellie was real. He had put aside his pride to come into the White House, and beg for news of her. He stood, waiting, and Leo finally relented.

"It's serious," Leo began. "There is confirmation that anthrax is present in the building. We still don't know if any envelopes containing anthrax have been opened. There are no casualties yet."

"Oh, God!" John sat down hard and buried his head in his hands. "What's being done?"

"Everything possible, as you can imagine. Listen, John, I have to leave. I'm the only thing stopping the President declaring martial law in Baltimore."

"It's OK, Leo. I understand. I'm going to Baltimore anyway. Please call me if there's any news."

"It's going to be all right. You'll see."

"Thank you."

"She's a tough kid."

"We had a small disagreement yesterday," he heard himself say. "I was going to surprise her tonight and take her to dinner to apologize."

"You'll take her to dinner to celebrate."

"From your lips to God's ears."

* * *

He had never driven so fast in his life. The damn news bulletins were painfully scarce on details about the crisis at Johns Hopkins. They did mention every time that the President's daughter was one of the doctors quarantined inside the Institute.

And Leo wasn't calling!

John's mind was emptied of all the usual worries, which now seemed completely insignificant. His heart seemed to beat to the rhythm of one intense, overwhelming wish: "Let her be all right!"

He hardly knew when he arrived in Baltimore.

For three long hours, John waited on the other side of the security barrier. When he finally saw Ellie walking out of the building, he didn't dare to believe that she was real. She looked slightly paler than usual, but otherwise she was as beautiful as ever. And she was smiling at him.

Ellie walked like a goddess to him, ignoring the reporters' questions and the television cameras. She walked straight into his arms. He held her tightly and closed his eyes, trying to control the sensation of relief.

* * *

A few hours later, John was alone in his flat. He was staring out the window, unable to stop thinking about the events of that day. He couldn't remember ever being so frightened. The thought that he might lose her was unbearable. He didn't want to leave her ever again, but to his surprise, Ellie did not ask him to stay. When he had suggested it, she had said that she was too tired to be good company.

He could have insisted. He could have said he wanted to know she was safe. He could have told her the truth; that he wanted to be with her for the rest of his life.

So why hadn't he said anything?

He looked at the city stretched outside his window. Just like him, Washington could not sleep. The question awaited patiently for his answer. Why?

He sighed, and went to bed. He felt defeated, although he thought he had long ago abandoned all games.

He had not insisted because he knew, and he had known for a while, that Ellie did not need him nearly as much as he needed her. Before his head hit the pillow, he knew what he had to do.

* * *

**The next day**

It was the most painful thing he had ever done. It might have compared vaguely with his resignation of the Vice Presidency. It resembled, a little better, one particularly bitter autumn afternoon some years earlier, when he had first suspected that Suzanne had stopped loving him.

He made an effort to look at Ellie. She seemed genuinely shocked and hurt. He gathered his forces again, and continued his arguments.

"You're young, Ellie. You can endure a divorce and move on, but I can't. I simply can't do it on the basis of 'let's try it and see if it works' any longer. I need to know it's forever. Till death do us part."

"Nothing is forever. There are no guarantees. Don't you think I'd like to be sure that I'm going to love you all my life? Can you guarantee me that you won't do anything to hurt me?"

"Yes, I can. Because I love you. And that's never going to change."

"You don't know that. You might get bored. You could find someone else. It's not like you haven't done it before!"

There it was. His past. He had been naïve to think that she wouldn't doubt his words, after his deeds had spoken so loudly.

"After all this time, you still don't trust me? You still think that I'm the same man who made those mistakes? I thought you knew me better by now."

"I believe that you love me now and you think that's the way it's always going to be, but you can't be sure of that. When you married Suzanne, did you ever think you'd end up cheating on her?"

"You don't know all there is to know about my marriage. I had my share of guilt and that's all the public has ever seen. Do you really think it could have been entirely my fault?"

"You cheated on her! Whatever her faults, she couldn't possibly let that slide."

"Well, she did. Several times. And she was only too happy to do it while it remained secret. Do you think we have the same sort of relationship? I know I'll never have enough of you, and I'll never get bored with you. You'd never allow it."

"Then why do you want to cancel the wedding? If you're so sure we'll live happily ever after?"

"Because you're not. You still have doubts about me, and if you don't trust me, you might just leave me one day."

"So this is a pre-emptive break up."

"Yes. Don't worry, you'll get over me in a month or two."

"What if I don't? What if I don't get over you in a month? Or a year? Or ever?

"See, baby, if you loved me, there wouldn't be any 'what ifs'."

"But, John..." she tried to protest.

"Good bye, Ellie."

He brushed his lips against her forehead. That delicate touch had all the weight of a painful, final goodbye kiss.


	14. Chapter XIV

**Title: **John's Quest

**By: **Abra de Winter

**Beta By:** **dot **- without her help the story would not be nearly as good as it is. Any mistakes left in the story - all mine

**Pairing: **John Hoynes/Ellie Bartlet - Romance

**Rating: **PG

**Spoilers:** season 5 episodes 15 – "Full Disclosure" and 16 – "Eppur si muove"

**Disclaimer:** The characters are from the NBC, WB, Bravo, A John Wells Prod., TV show, 'The West Wing'. They are the creation of Aaron Sorkin.

**Feedback: **pretty please!

**Chapter XIV**

**Austin, Texas**

The office was a lot bigger than he remembered. And yet not much had changed since their father had occupied it. John stood looking out the window, while his brother sat behind the old mahogany desk.

He was grateful that Robert was silent. He had been great about the whole thing, and maybe some day John could tell him how much he had appreciated it. Robert hadn't asked him any stupid questions when John had called him from the plane two hours earlier. He had just turned up at the airport, and when John had asked to take him to the office, he did so without so much as suggesting going to their parents' house or anywhere else.

John knew that he'd have to start talking sooner rather than later, but he clung to the silence for a few more moments. He was looking at his favorite city in the whole world. He loved Austin so much he'd never been able to decide which part he liked most. This was the main reason he had always enjoyed the view from his father's office - Robert's office now - which was situated at the highest level of the tallest office building in Austin. After all the years away, he still remembered the name of every street and every shop for fifteen blocks around the headquarters.

John heard his brother pouring drinks, but didn't turn around. He took in the amazing panorama of the city, buzzing with life below him. He did eventually, and regretfully, tear himself from the soothing contemplation of the city.

"I like what you did with the office," he said. He was grateful that his brother had kept at least one part of his life the way he remembered it.

"Left it pretty much as it was," Robert answered, shrugging his shoulders.

"Makes Dad feel better when he comes around here, I bet."

"Sure does."

He looked up from his iced tea to his brother's glass. Robert was drinking Johnnie Walker Blue Label, and he remembered Leo McGarry talking about his unfortunate relapse all those years ago. He found himself wondering what it tasted like. He wasn't really tempted to drink, but the familiar atmosphere of the office had taken him back more than twenty years, when their father had used to encourage them to visit him at work. He had always associated his father's work with the scotch on the rocks that could chill those hot Texan days. That had been the time when Vance Hoynes had started treating him like a man. Drinking alcohol had been a rite of passage for the Hoynes'. Becoming a reformed alcoholic after nearly O.D.-ing on beer in college was one of the many ways in which he felt that he had failed his father.

"I'm back, Robert. For good."

* * *

John had spent his time secluded in the hotel room. He hadn't felt like visiting his parents or anyone else. He hated that he couldn't seem to turn on the TV without hearing something about the countdown to the Hoynes-Bartlet wedding. From Washington, however, came nothing but an unnerving silence. John had expected rumors of the breakup to start spreading within hours of his departure.

Two days had passed, and apparently nothing whatsoever had transpired. He didn't expect her to make a press statement, but the wedding was supposed to take place in a week and she hadn't even cancelled the invitations yet. If she thought that he was going to show up at the altar just because it was in his schedule, she was in for a big shock.

He kept telling himself that everything was over, that he had made the right decision, but every few minutes he had to fight the powerful urge to run to the airport and take the first plane to Baltimore.

God, he wished he had fucked her! Thoughts of her had been driving him crazy for the past couple of days. The nights were even worse. From the moment he got into bed, images of Ellie started showing up behind his closed eyelids. Memories and fantasies tortured him until he fell asleep, when the dreams took over. Extensive, realistic dreams that made him wake up hard and frustrated, longing for her.

He walked mechanically to the shower, and let the cool water rain over his body, trying to close his mind to the memory of the very vivid dream he had had just before waking up.

* * *

**Baltimore, Maryland**

Zoey had been buzzing around the apartment for the past hour, and Ellie couldn't take it any more. She hadn't spoken to John since he had left. He hadn't called her in two days, and that had never happened before. She had called his cell phone, only to find it always turned off. She hadn't dared call his office, because she couldn't bear the humiliation of hearing his assistant tell her he was out.

Ellie kept replaying their discussion in her head over and over, but the reality of the break-up still hadn't sunk in. As long as she hadn't accepted that he had left her, she had no reason to tell anyone else about it. Every time she thought about telling Zoey, she pictured the gasp of surprise and look of horror on her sister's face. And that would be a mild reaction. She fought the image of the relief and pity she would see on her father's face. And she most of all refused to imagine the press stories.

Zoey was still prattling on about something when Ellie finally snapped.

"Will you just leave me alone? I've had enough of all this stupid shit. Give me a freaking day off! I hate this goddamn wedding already!"

"Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. I just need some space."

"But the wedding is less than a week away and you still have..."

"Just a day. Please, don't be mad at me, but you have to leave. I need some time alone."

"Ellie, what's wrong?"

"There's nothing wrong, I just want some time to get myself together. You don't seem to understand, but I don't give a damn about the social significance of the wedding. For me, it's not just a party, OK? It's a life-time commitment and I... Zoey, please. I have to think."

Zoey stood up, and took her purse. She shook her head, looking at Ellie.

"Something's definitely wrong. I'm leaving, but I'm telling mom."

"There's nothing to tell her. I just..."

"...need some time alone. I got it. I'm coming back tomorrow."

"Bye, Zoey."

Ellie closed the door behind her sister, but she did not feel relieved. Not by a long shot. Because now she had nothing to do but think about John. The two sleepless nights that had passed had made her suspect that he was right. She had doubts. Stronger than the abstract "nothing is forever". She doubted his love, and his commitment. And worst of all, she doubted her own feelings.

The intercom buzzed loudly, startling her. She didn't know how much time had passed since Zoey had left, but it was already dark outside.

"Yes?" she said into it.

"It's your mother. Let me in immediately!"

The First Lady's voice held all the assertiveness of her privateer ancestor. Ellie pushed the button to let her in, and unlocked the door. The day was just getting better and better.

Abbey Bartlet's concerned expression melted away Ellie's defensive attitude. Before she even knew it, Ellie had flung herself into her mother's arms, shaking. Abbey held her, and told her that everything was going to be all right, waiting for her to compose herself a little.

"What are you doing here?" Ellie said at last.

"Zoey," Abbey said, as though that explained everything. "She said, and I quote, you were 'acting weird'."

"So I'm not allowed to have some time to myself without being weird?" Ellie felt her annoyance rising all over again, but her mother knew that she was trying to avoid an interrogation just as her father would, and she cut her off before she could get herself worked up.

"What's happened, Ellie?"

"He left."

"John?"

"Yes!"

"Did you two have a fight?"

"It wasn't even a fight. He just came over two days ago, and told me he's leaving me."

"He didn't give you any reason?"

"Oh, he said something about me having doubts, and other stupid nonsense."

Sensing that there would be no more tears, at least for now, Abbey found a handkerchief in her purse and wiped her daughter's face, the way she used to do years ago.

"But you do have doubts, don't you?"

"Who doesn't? I mean, I was ready to take a chance, and marry him. What more could he ask for?"

"He wants everything. But you're afraid. And I think John knows this. He's giving you time to make this choice."

"He's not giving me any time. He left me, Mom!"

"You're afraid because he doesn't fit the image of the man you thought you'd marry."

"Come on, Mom! What could you know about that?"

"I know you had a crush on Leo since you were a teenager, and you've always measured the men in your life by his standard."

Ellie froze. That was her deepest secret. How did her mother know? But the surprises had not stopped with this revelation. As her mother kept talking, Ellie's reality kept changing.

"You assumed you'd fall in love with someone like him, but as it so happened you fell in love with John, who is very different. Let me tell you something: it's OK to marry him, as long as you love him."

She was listening to her mother, in shock. Was she making a case for John?

"You should give him a chance, Ellie. A real chance. You shouldn't be afraid to love him back."

She was amazed to hear that last word. Although her mother had always been supportive of her choice, this was the first time she said she believed that John loved her.

"Do you love him?" Abbey asked.

"Yes. And it scares the hell out of me."


	15. Chapter XV

**Title: **John's Quest

**By: **Abra de Winter

**Beta By:** **dot **– an excellent beta, and a great inspiration.

**Pairing: **John Hoynes/Ellie Bartlet - Romance

**Rating: **R

**Spoilers:** season 5 episodes 15 – "Full Disclosure" and 16 – "Eppur si muove"

**Disclaimer:** The characters are from the NBC, WB, Bravo, A John Wells Prod., TV show'The West Wing'. They are the creation of Aaron Sorkin.

**Feedback: **pretty please!

**Chapter XV**

John raised his eyes from the article he was reading when he heard the soft knock on the door. His brother and his parents were the only people who knew where he was, and he had hoped they knew better than to disturb him in his present state.

Maybe it was room service. Maybe he had forgotten that he had ordered something. He dropped the magazine on the table, ran his fingers through his uncombed hair and went to open the door.

She wasn't the last person he had expected to see, but he had tried to temper the wild hope that Ellie might come looking for him.

"Hello," she said.

There she was. The embodiment of his most ardent secret hopes was standing in his doorway. Well, not his doorway. She was standing in the doorway of an anonymous hotel room. He had to remain cool. They had both breathed politics since they were born; he couldn't let her down by falling too easily at her feet.

"Hi. Come in."

He watched her walk into his hotel room gracefully and without the slightest hesitation, and wondered briefly if he was dreaming.

"Drink?" he offered politely, not really sure why he needed to act so formal and cool towards her when all he wanted was to hold her in his arms again.

"No, thank you."

"How did you find me?" he asked, unwilling to get into the real issue.

"The Secret Service."

Of course. The all-seeing eye of the Presidential Secret Service. He was pleasantly surprised that she had used such a resource. He knew that Ellie had never liked acting like a spoiled daddy's girl. She didn't enjoy being a First Daughter. Still, he couldn't tell her that he appreciated her willingness to use any methods to find him.

"I thought you didn't want to take advantage of your name."

"Agent O'Reilly was kind enough to do this as a personal favor. I think she likes us."

He knew she was watching his reaction to the word "us", so he did his best not to show any emotion, despite the sudden surge of energy that had flashed through him.

"Why are you here?"

Ellie took in a deep breath. He remembered her doing that just before they had stepped out onto the back porch of the Bartlets' New Hampshire residence. He tried to brace himself for anything she might say. She could have just come to end their relationship irrevocably. It was just like a Bartlet to want to have the last word.

"I lied to you."

Maybe he wasn't ready for anything she could say. He let her pace nervously back and forth, neither willing, nor able, to reassure her.

"I made you think that I was entering casually into our marriage. That if we ever fell apart, I'd be perfectly at ease with a divorce. And I'm not. I've seen people madly in love, who got married, and a few years later they hated each other. I'm terrified that we might end up as enemies. You must know how difficult it was for me to let you get close. You have no idea how impossible it feels to imagine being without you. Or worse, hating you..."

He couldn't let her know she didn't need to argue her case. He couldn't tell her that all she had had to do was walk through that door. He couldn't let her feel safe. Not just yet.

"So you didn't come all the way to Texas just because you wanted to get out of writing several hundred cards announcing that the wedding is off?"

"What do you think?" She had put as much sarcasm as she could into her reply, but he could sense her fear that he might still doubt her motives.

"I'm not sure," he said.

"Do you need proof? Let's cancel the wedding."

"And move in together?"

"I was thinking more along the lines of an elopement."

"A small wedding, with a Star Wars theme, in a chapel in Las Vegas..."

"Or without a theme."

"This is the first time I've seen you willing to negotiate."

"It's one of the reasons I've never had long term relationships. I'm not a good negotiator."

"You're doing just fine."

"Thanks. I guess."

"Why do you want the wedding, Ellie? Your life would be so much easier if we just lived together. Discreetly. No one would make any fuss over us. We'd be just a slightly-out-of-the-ordinary couple."

"Are you really backing out of the wedding?"

She sounded hurt, and John finally relented.

"No. I just want you to know you have all the options open."

"I love peace and quiet. I'd love to have a nice, slightly out of the ordinary life with you. But just because it would be more comfortable, doesn't make it right. I'm not ashamed of us. And I'm not afraid. Not of the public, anyway."

She was afraid he might hurt her. After all, he had hurt Suzanne. In some strange way, he had hurt Helen, too. And she didn't know the names of the others, but she knew there had been others. He had always known that his past was standing in the path of Ellie's trust.

"I love you, Ellie. I'm not going to repeat any of my mistakes."

He waited for her "I love you, too, John."

"I trust you."

He had never thought that anything other than her "I love you" could move him so deeply. He had been wrong. He knew she loved him. He had known it for months. But now she had taken the last step toward him. He had her love, and her trust. He had everything.

He had always known how to do the hearts and flowers, but he didn't need such artifices with Ellie. Besides, there was nothing he could say to express what he was feeling.

"Then the wedding is back on," he said simply.

"The Washington wedding or the Las Vegas, Star Wars wedding?"

She was smiling. She didn't need hearts and flowers. She only needed his heart, and he was only too happy to give it to her.

"That depends. What kind of underwear are you wearing?" he asked suddenly.

"Excuse me?"

She looked surprised, but she hadn't backed away. That was a good sign. She remained still, and held his gaze when he stepped closer.

"What type? What color?"

She was blushing. If he hadn't forgiven her doubts the moment she had entered his room, he would have forgiven her know. If that were the first time they had met, he would have fallen in love with her now. She wasn't smiling yet, but he could tell she was beginning to feel safe. He knew Ellie was going to play his little bedroom game, but he wasn't sure how far she was willing to go. Or how much self-control he had left.

"It's a subconscious indication of your emotions, and I want to know," he said, knowing that his voice sounded husky, betraying his arousal.

He was so close to her that her discreet, and yet intoxicating, scent was making him dizzy. It was a scent that sometimes lingered on his shirt after their dates. A scent he wanted to smell on the pillow next to him when he woke up. He enjoyed it when his instinctual, wilder side took over, and the knowledge that Ellie had reacted intensely every time he had let the wolf out prompted him to keep playing.

He moved so that he was standing behind her, breathing in her scent. He saw her shudder almost imperceptibly as his breath touched her skin. Every word he said became another caress on her neck.

"For instance, if you were wearing panties with ducks on, and a sports bra, I would be forced to think that you came here sure that we wouldn't be able to solve our problems, and in that case I think the Vegas wedding would be best. Less pressure, more discreet."

"And if I'm wearing a black, lacy, demi-cup bra, and edible panties? What would you think then?"

"Edible? Really?" he asked, ruining the smooth, seductive character he had tried to play.

It turned out to be a good move, because Ellie laughed. A small, high, very tense giggle that revealed both her arousal and her anxiety.

"No. Not really."

John loved this particular pitch of her voice. It was completely alien to the usual warm, funny tone she had when they just talked. It was a tone she got sometimes, late at night, when she had missed him so much that she would let go of her inhibitions and engage him in erotic conversations on the phone. He was glad he was standing behind her. He wanted Ellie to think that he was in control, although everything inside him was spinning madly.

He looked at their image in the French doors of the balcony. Night had fallen over Austin, and the doors were as good as a mirror. She was trembling, still a few inches away from his body. He put his arms around her, but he was in no mood for a chaste embrace.

"So? What are you wearing?" he said, placing his hands on her breasts and gently pulling her to him. He could feel her heart flutter in his left palm, and he knew she must be able to feel his own heart beat against her shoulder blade.

"No Star Wars theme," she reminded him in a dazed whisper.

"OK, Washington it is," he said, and squeezed her breasts gently, before starting to unbutton her shirt. "So?"

"You'll just have to look and see, won't you?" she murmured.

"Ellie..."

"Hmm?" she purred when his lips slid onto the side of her neck.

No. He wasn't going to ask her if she was sure. He wasn't going to ask her for permission. She had come into his room of her own free will. She was an adult. A consenting adult. The hell with "are you sure?"

He unzipped her skirt, and slid it off her. Her panties were black, lacy and very, very revealing. And she was wearing stockings. It was everything he could have wished for. She was definitely a consenting adult.

Ellie didn't say anything when he put his hands on her hips, but he felt her tensing under his touch. He slipped his thumbs beneath the elastic band of her panties, expecting to be confronted with her usual evasive maneuvers, but instead he heard her let out a wanton sigh. He proceeded to take off her panties, constantly aware that she could still ask him to stop. But she didn't. Once the black lace touched the floor, Ellie stepped out of the small bundle of clothes, pushed them away with her foot and turned around to face him. She watched him unbuttoning her shirt, and then it too fell to the floor, followed by her bra, which was also black and lacy. Then her next words put an end to that level of their game.

"John, bed."

He didn't know where he found the strength to sweep her into his arms and carry her into the bedroom.


	16. Chapter XVI

**Title: **John's Quest

**By: **Abra de Winter

**Beta By:** **dot **– thank you.

**Pairing: **John Hoynes/Ellie Bartlet - Romance

**Rating: R (the slightly naughtier version can be found here: **

http adultfan . nexcess . net / aff / authors.php? no10892

Next chapter will probably need to be there, as well.) 

**Spoilers:** season 5 episodes 15 – "Full Disclosure" and 16 – "Eppur si muove"

**Disclaimer:** The characters are from the NBC, WB, Bravo, A John Wells Prod., TV show, 'The West Wing'. They are the creation of Aaron Sorkin.

I'm awfully sorry it took so long.

**Feedback: **yes, please!

**Chapter XVI**

Ellie's stomach did a back-flip when he lifted her in his arms. She clung to his shoulders with her left arm, and pulled his head closer with her right. She needed to kiss him again. The past few days had seemed like long winter months in his absence.

John's mouth was warm, and delicious, and Ellie felt her head spinning even faster.

"I like the stockings," he growled, out of breath from her feverish kiss. "Niiice."

He knew just how to say it. Ellie's insides melted at the sound of that purred, sensual, almost threatening compliment.

"Thank you," she managed to whisper in a voice that was as vibrant with arousal as his own.

"Nooo," he purred again. "Thank **you.**" He had returned her words in the same sensual tone, but just a tad more intense, sending another wave of amazing sensation all through her body.

He set her gently on his bed. Ellie had missed him so much that when he stood up to undress, she felt a rush of panic, which soon turned into excitement realizing that she was at last going to see the body she had longed for all these months.

John took off his shirt so fast that Ellie hardly saw him doing it. He had been sensually slow in undressing her, but his patience had apparently run out. Ellie bit her lip, getting wetter thinking of his desire, finally unchained, knowing that John wanted her as desperately as she wanted him.

Much to her annoyance, he did not take off his pants. Instead, he walked to the end of the bed, causing Ellie another pang of panic until he spread her legs and knelt between her ankles. He leaned over and stared to roll off one of her stockings. She was growing more restless with every inch of skin he uncovered. He took off her shoe, dropped it by the bed, and removed the stocking. He repeated the procedure with the other one, even slower. John seemed to be recovering a lot of his composure with every sigh and moan that escaped from Ellie's lips.

She was both delighted and frustrated by his newly regained patience. Ellie gazed in awe at the gorgeous man that was standing by the bed, with a hungry look in his eyes. She was surprised to observe that none of her usual, paralyzing inhibitions spoiled the moment. She had wanted him for months, but she hadn't realized how much she trusted him.

"I hate to do this," he said, and Ellie froze, "but I don't have any… protection."

She sighed and smiled, relieved.

"In my purse," she said.

John came back with her bag in about ten seconds. In another ten seconds, he had ripped open the small package she had handed him.

Ellie was vibrating with the sweet torture of expectation. She was caressing his chest when she felt his hesitation.

"I want you, John. I want you inside me now!"

She had just finished uttering her passionate encouragement when he began his slow slide into her.

………………. …………… ……………….

…………. ……………… ………………

Ellie enjoyed the weight of his exhausted body pushing her deeper into the mattress. She ran her fingers through his soaked hair. She moved her hand down on his back, which was also covered in sweat.

"Oh, God, Ellie, I love you so much," he groaned, with his face buried in her shoulder.

"I love you, too, John," she whispered, and held him tighter for just a moment, feeling that her heart could explode from happiness.

He rolled off her regretfully, covering her face and neck with kisses. He held her close, and Ellie sighed. She rested her head on his chest in a dreamlike state. She felt right being there, curled in bed next to him.

"God, that was amazing," she said, and felt him smile. "I had no idea I could feel this way. Why did you let me waste all this time?"

"It wasn't wasted," he said, kissing the top of her head. "You needed it."

"Hmm, even so… It's killing me that we could've done this for months! I didn't realize what I was missing. You are great."

"**We** are great," he corrected her gently.

John's cell broke the moment of silence. She smiled when she heard him curse under his breath before taking it from the bed stand. However, after he looked at the display, he answered it.

"Hello, Robert. What's going on?"

Ellie saw him smiling as he listened to his brother.

"No problem. Thanks for the heads up."

Ellie didn't ask, but looked at him expectantly. He was grinning.

"You're going to like this."

"I hope so," she said, unsure what to make of his mischievous smile.

"My brother called to warn me that there are journalists downstairs. Apparently someone tipped them off that I was staying here and that I have just received a young female visitor."

"No!" she exclaimed. "You're joking?"

"Not at all. Any suggestions on how to handle this?"

"There's only one way to handle this. I don't care if I'm blushing crimson, but we're walking out by the front door!" she said, sitting up.

John grabbed her hand to stop her leaving the bed.

"We don't have to go right now," he said.

She was naked, still trembling from a session of sex that had rocked her world, but she blushed furiously when the man she loved hinted that he still wanted her.

She saw John smile at her embarrassment and that made it a little worse.

"Come back," he whispered, and Ellie felt the fire rekindling in her belly.

"Your face is burning," he said, cupping her cheeks.

She had no time to think of a reply because John's mouth connected to hers in a long, tender kiss.

"I, I, I," she stammered when he let go.

He chuckled in obvious delight, and kissed her again. His tongue was a little more aggressive and his fingers had knotted themselves in her disheveled hair.

"You don't have to face the press just to protect my name."

It took Ellie quite a while to understand the meaning of the words while he was nuzzling her neck with the expertise of all the months when that was the most he was allowed to do.

"My… name… too… soon," she managed to say between moans.

His voice was husky when he spoke next, and he was breathing heavily.

"You know how you hated the idea of people thinking of us having sex? If they film us when we leave, it's not going to take an effort to imagine it."

The tone of his words made it sound like dirty talk. Once the meaning got through to her, Ellie knew he was right. She might as well have "I just slept withJohn Hoynes" tattooed on her forehead. Which wasn't such a bad thing, she thought with the part of her brain busy processing the storm of sensations caused by his mouth playing with her breasts.

Her mind was getting blurry again. She struggled to talk before the thick haze of desire obliterated the words.

"John," she moaned.

"Yes?"

He raised his head. He had just the shadow of a beard and he looked so sexy and yet confused that Ellie had to close her eyes to concentrate. It was considerably more difficult because he had not stopped caressing her.

"I can look like a perfect ice queen when we walk out. I know I have it in me," she said.

She didn't have to add 'do you really think I should try it?' because he already knew it. She wasn't really giving him a choice. She loved the John Hoynes who had put up with her merciless teasing. She didn't want to marry a man who asked her to walk out a hotel room as looking as though she were prepared for a press conference.

"I know. You don't have to prove anything." His eyes seemed less hazy, and his voice was a lot better controlled when he said that. "I don't have any problem if the whole world knows I'm the lucky guy who gets to go to bed with you."

She smiled, noting that his voice had regained its playful tone, and his fingers were moving again beneath her palm. She pulled him down into a long, messy kiss that left them breathless.

He put a knee between her legs and levered them apart. All the while, his fingers were getting more and more daring. Ellie was entranced in the whirl of sensations. She wanted him again. She was ready again. A thought flashed through her clouded mind – was he able to do it again so soon? At his age… She felt ashamed to even think it, but she was a doctor and not even in this hot heaven could she forget certain facts.

Apparently, some men got more inventive with age. She shivered when he lifted her by the waist and placed a pillow behind her back. She clutched at the sheets as John pushed her legs further apart to make room for his massive frame. Ellie felt his rough beard rub against her inner thigh while his mouth was getting closer to her wet, hot, pulsating center.

It was so much better than she had remembered. This time, he was methodically learning her reactions, and pushing her over the limits she thought she had. This time, there were no pesky parents or secret service agents outside the door. So, this time, Ellie didn't hold back either.

"Oh, God, John, you're doing it soooo right, baby. Yes! Oh, there, yeah!"

Time seemed to dissolve in an ocean of pleasure. She had no idea how long it took for the tidal waves of the orgasm to hit her again. She had no idea how loud she had screamed his name, or how deep her fingernails had dug into his shoulders. A few minutes later, when she had stopped shaking, Ellie blushed again, seeing John's admiring and smug expression. Well, she had always been a lady in the parlor. Now she was everything a man could want.


	17. Chapter XVII

**Title: **John's Quest

**By: **Abra de Winter

**Beta By:** **dot **- Thank you. Your attention makes the story a lot better. Thank you.

**Pairing: **John Hoynes/Ellie Bartlet - Romance

**Rating: R ( the NC17 version is at:**

**http: adultfan . nexcess . net / aff / authors.php?no 10892 **

Just remove the spaces and you'll get the link. **Don't go there if you're under 17! **If you do check out the naughty version , please leave a review there.

**Spoilers**: season 5 episodes 15 – "Full Disclosure" and 16 – "Eppur si muove"

Considering events in season 6, the story is AU material.

**Disclaimer:** The characters are from the NBC, WB, Bravo, A John Wells Prod., TV show, 'The West Wing'. They are the creation of Aaron Sorkin.

**Feedback: **yes, please!

**Chapter XVII**

Ellie had fallen asleep in his arms, but John was wide awake, even though he had barely slept since he had left Washington. Everything had turned out all right, after all. As long as she was close, everything was all right. He traced the curve of her hip softly with his fingers, then got out of bed, careful not to wake her.

A strange uneasiness had intruded into this perfect moment. He tried to identify its cause in the foggy landscape of his mind. He thought about it all the way to the bathroom, and when he caught his image in the mirror he understood what was bothering him. He stared at his reflection more carefully than he usually did. He studied his face, annoyed that he seemed a lot older than he had remembered. He looked at the wisps of gray hair, disturbingly visible all of a sudden.

The image of the sleeping Ellie smiling satisfied in his bed had triggered several feelings. He could just about cope with the waves of tenderness enveloping his heart, and with the surge of sheer lust. He was not expecting the anxiety.

The answer rose from the dark of his subconscious. He was afraid to be next to her when she woke up. He realized that from then on, he would always be afraid that Ellie might look disappointed that he was the first thing she saw upon waking. In that brief moment between sleep and consciousness, her instinctual rejection was liable to crush him. He knew that she loved him. He knew it with every fiber of his being, but he could not rule out that one day, he was going to read disappointment on her face.

He stepped under the warm jet of the shower, and closed his eyes, trying to drive away the dark thoughts. Maybe he was still trying to punish himself for all his past mistakes. Maybe he was just afraid to be happy. He let the water pour over his exhausted body, willing it to wash away the fear.

"Do you need an extra pair of hands?"

He opened his eyes at the sound of Ellie's voice. She was standing in the doorway, wearing nothing but an appreciative smile.

"Sure," he said huskily, all worries forgotten at the sight of her.

He was familiar with Ellie's collection of neurotic inhibitions, and was surprised to see her naked in the bright light. She walked toward him with a dazed expression on her face looking like she was barely aware that she had no clothes on. He was flattered to see her gaping at him like that. He smiled and wondered if he might have felt flattered or suspicious of her apparent adoration, had he not known how little experience she had had.

The familiar fire snakes of desire started to coil inside him. His body was stirring, responding to her mere presence before she even touched him. He captured Ellie's mouth in an impatient, sloppy kiss. God, how he loved to feel her react to his touches; her tongue was sliding frantically around his, and she was making that amazing noise at the back of her throat. He felt her hand at the back of his head, pulling him to her. As if he needed any prompting to dive into her sweet, delicious mouth! Her hands were roaming all over his upper body, unable to settle on just one part of him.

He put his arms around her waist and pulled her roughly to him. Her breasts, pressed against his chest, felt so damn amazing it made him want to crush her in his arms. Their bodies were intimately molded onto each other, and once again, John found it difficult to postpone plunging into her. He spun her around brusquely, and heard Ellie's gasp of surprise and frustration.

"Hold on to the towel rack," he ordered in a husky voice, "and spread your legs," he went on as she had obeyed.

* * *

* * *

Ellie turned hesitantly around in his arms, steadying herself against him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his head down into a kiss. 

"God, that was great," she said.

"You're amazing, Ellie."

"Nah, you just get the best out of me."

They kissed for a while under the warm water. John reached for the shower gel. Soon, the floral scent filled the bathroom. He massaged the gel gently onto her skin, spreading the foam thoroughly all over her body. He smiled when Ellie's shaking hands tried to do the same to him. It was amazing how this inexperienced woman could turn him on as though he had a switch. Her usually deft hands were touching him with endearing clumsiness.

He wondered if that had been the first time she had had sex in the shower. He decided not to ask. He could not risk her saying yes, or imagine her ever being with another man. Besides, she could always ask him the same thing, and Ellie was just supposed to enjoy the skills gained from his vast experience, not think about his past.

John watched Ellie wrap a towel around herself. He ran his fingers over her shoulder, the skin reddened after his unshaven chin had rasped against it. She gave him a smile, and walked out of the room.

He put a towel around his hips and followed her into the bedroom. She was standing by the window looking at the night sky over Austin. He sneaked behind her, and took her in his arms. Ellie had used the same shower gel, but somehow she smelled different, sweeter. His lips caressed her silky shoulder, and her neck, pausing for a while to enjoy the feel of the rapid pulse drumming under her alabaster skin. A reminder of their real life surfaced annoyingly.

"We should get ready to leave," he murmured.

She sighed deeply, and turned her head to silence him with a kiss.

"I really don't want to go," she whispered.

"The Las Vegas wedding is back on the table then?" he inquired lazily, and felt her stir in his arms.

"Oh, no, the wedding," she said. "Yes, we should go back."

"Front door exit? You're ready for the media ambush?"

She groaned despondently.

"I'll embarrass you. At least we don't have to stop to talk to them, do we?"

"You could never embarrass me," he interrupted her. "Ellie, there's nothing about you that I do not love."

She trembled, and kissed him again.

"I guess we could stay one more night," he said, dazed by her kisses.

"No. We shouldn't," she said, without making any attempt to disentangle herself from his embrace.

"I'll be a happy man once the wedding is behind us."

"Amen," she agreed, and kissed him again.

It had sounded more like a moan, and he had to search deep inside for any remnant of discipline to put an end to the kiss.

"If you don't get dressed right now, we're never going to leave this room."

It was quite dark in the room, but John was sure she had blushed. She extricated herself from his arms and started to gather her scattered clothes.

* * *

Will Bailey was busy. He had two fairly important speeches to finish, but the papers kept pilling up on his desk and the computer screen was stubbornly blank. He was staring into the middle distance when the screen saver came on. He hadn't been able to pay attention to anything lately. He had been brooding for days, and not it was 48 hours to Ellie's wedding. He had no right to be jealous, but that didn't stop him. Worse still, he had no one to talk to about it. None of his friends were in Washington, and he hadn't bonded with anyone strongly enough to confide his hopeless crush on Elle Bartlet. Soon to be Ellie Bartlet-Hoynes. 

"No," he thought bitterly, "probably not Bartlet-Hoynes. She's not the type to hyphenate her name. She would probably be Ellie Hoynes."

Alone, behind closed doors, Will had worked hard to put Ellie out of his mind. He had almost succeeded. Or so he thought until that horrible moment a month earlier when he had received the wedding invitation, the same time everyone else had received theirs. He hadn't really expected an invitation at all, never having been close to either of them. He had somehow gotten over that nasty surprise, too. The invitation was now buried under many layers of paper, in the bottom drawer of his desk.

The TV set was muted, and Will realized that he had been looking at it for some time. However, he didn't need the sound for the banner across the bottom of the screen to catch his attention. It was asking the question: John Hoynes: America's Next President? Apparently the Hoynes' imminent wedding was raising speculations about his chances.

He turned on the sound while he watched the images accompanying the story. There were the usual ones, the old ones, Hoynes and Bartlet accepting the nomination, Hoynes on the podium, Hoynes and his wife, the cover of Helen Baldwin's book, Hoynes announcing his resignation. Then another set came on, and his heart leapt: Ellie. Ellie standing with her family, Ellie with her father at an official function, Ellie seeking sanctuary in the White House when her research had been attacked, Ellie's press conference making her stand.

His unrequited, secret love, and his fallen hero. The combination hurt. He greeted his teeth determined to watch the whole reportage.

Will thought that the worst was when they showed her standing next to Hoynes announcing their engagement, but a short clip of footage he hadn't seen before hit him even harder: Hoynes and Ellie, leaving a hotel through flashbulb glare. This one was recent. Her hair looked longer, and there was an air about her… she was radiant, blushing, happy. He tried to steer his mind away from that image. She was smiling, she was in love, she was… Dammit! She had probably just fucked him.

Will left his office, slamming the door behind him, and went home to get drunk.

* * *

John and Ellie were in the back seat of the limo taking them to the airport, while her agent sat in front, next to the driver. John glanced at Ellie; she had regained her delicate, ivory complexion once they were far enough from the hotel. Her jaw, however, was firmly clenched, and she was still shivering, ever so slightly. He knew she hated handling the press, but he couldn't have imagined that she wouldn't even try. 

He smiled. She had been terribly nervous. She had almost crushed his hand while they strode "casually" from the hotel doors to the car. He realized that he had quite liked to see her flushed, and thought about what he could do right now to see her like that again. He put his palm on her knee, and then slid it smoothly up on her inner thigh. He heard her surprised gasp. He felt her tense up for a second. It took quite an effort to keep looking out the window while he felt Ellie fidget, and he could imagine her cheeks going red. He could just picture her teeth sinking into her full lower lip.

John kept his gaze out the window while his fingers painted another picture, in vivid flesh colors. After a while, he couldn't stand not looking at her any longer. He turned, ostensibly to show Ellie an interesting building on her side. He saw all the details he wanted, although his eyes did not linger on her face. He was still speaking in a steady voice when his fingers reached the edge of her panties. Ellie's sudden intake of breath sent a shiver down his spine. He kept talking about architecture while he fondled her through the lace.

Ellie was burning red, and she hadn't been able to make a single comment since he had started to touch her, but she spread her legs a little wider to give him greater access. John was impressed; she was getting very wet, but she didn't let out a sound. When they got close to the airport, he reluctantly withdrew his hand.

"John," she whispered on their way to the plane, "would you stay over tonight?"

"I thought you'd never ask," he answered quickly, grateful he was not one to blush. He could not imagine spending even one night without her.


	18. Chapter 18

**Title: **John's Quest

**By: **Abra de Winter

**Beta - **I did not dare to bother Dot after such a long pause, and this is the unbetaed version.

**Pairing: **John Hoynes/Ellie Bartlet - Romance

**Rating: R ( the NC17 version is at:**

**http: adultfan . nexcess . net / aff / authors.php?no 10892 **

Just remove the spaces and you'll get the link. **Don't go there if you're under 17! **If you do check out the naughty version, please leave a review there.

**Spoilers**: season 5 episodes 15 – "Full Disclosure" and 16 – "Eppur si muove"

Considering events in season 6, the story is AU material.

**Disclaimer:** The characters are from the NBC, WB, Bravo, A John Wells Prod., TV show, 'The West Wing'. They are the creation of Aaron Sorkin.

**Feedback: **yes, please!

First of all, thank you so much for your kind support. I hated leaving the story like that, but my life was so messed up, I could not write anything. To add to that, I haven't seen most of season 6, and the episodes I have seen were a bit of a turn off. So the story is completely out of sync with the show.

Anna (lunaticbabe), you have no idea how much your words meant to me. This is the first story I've written that I feel I'm getting right (with lots and lots of help from dot until now), and I'm happy that you seem to like it as much as I do. Tim Matheson is one of the most enduring crushes I've ever had. He is so hot, and thanks to that I was able to come back to this story.

I don't know how much of this chapter I can publish on Anyone who wants to read more than the few R rated paragraphs, should go on This chapter does absolutely nothing to further the story. It's just something I needed to write about this couple. Hopefully, you will appreciate my effort to get me back in gear to write the story. About taking John all the way to the presidency, it's probably not going to happen in detail, but that was the planned epilogue for a while now. A bit of fast forward after the wedding. Although the wedding is not going to be what you would expect. I'm not inclined to write about the ceremony, just some sidelong action about John and Ellie and some of the West Wing characters.

**Chapter XVIII**

The last hours before the Hoynes-Bartlet wedding

Ellie unlocked her apartment door and went straight into the bedroom. She saw John stop in the middle of the living room.

"Bedroom," she said, in a half amused, half ordering tone.

He grinned instantly.

"So this is the way it's gonna be from now on?" he inquired, following her. "You just say 'bedroom' and I jump?"

"Yes, that would be nice. I'd do it for you. Indulging the other, I heard that's what marriage is all about."

She was amazed how liberating it felt to say something like that, in a playful tone, just as it came to mind. A few days ago she would have carefully censored her words, worrying how John might interpret them. Not anymore, though. She had risked everything when she went after him in Texas, and now they trusted each other more than ever before.

His smile was so warm now that her heart swelled up with happiness. When he was smiling like that she wished she felt she could look at every line in his face for hours. She loved the thin wrinkles, visible at the corner of his eyes and his mouth.

She shook herself. Later. She had the rest of her life to bask in his smile. For the moment, all she wanted was to make up for the long years devoid of sexual gratification.

He dropped the bags on the floor and she threw her purse on a chair and. When she looked back up, he was grinning again. The earlier warmth had turned into heat. She melted inside. She reached out to take off his jacket. She started to undo his shirt when he leaned over and kissed her. Ellie lost all concentration while their mouths were connected. Then she felt the cool air touch her skin. He had unzipped her skirt, slid it off and was well on his way to get rid of her shirt.

She was surprised to hear the strange noises coming out of her own throat. He was caressing her body so thoroughly that he seemed to be all hands.

"My next door neighbors are in for a shock," she said.

"Why?" he asked.

"They're going to hear noises coming out this apartment that haven't heard since I moved here."

She saw the shadow of hesitation on his face.

"I never had a man in this bedroom before," she said, and shrugged her shoulders. "As long as they don't call the police for disturbing the peace I don't care."

She hoped she had put his mind at rest. He wasn't going to have to deal with her inhibitions ever again. She had finally unbuttoned his shirt, and was groping to unbuckle his belt when her bra miraculously fell to the floor next to the shirt. God he was good at it! For some reason, she wasn't jealous for the years of practice he must have had to be able to do that.

"I'm going to need tutoring," she said, in a frustrated tone.

"What?" he asked, still kissing her. "Tutoring on what subject?"

"Taking off your damn clothes. This is killing me!" she exclaimed when her fingers fumbled uselessly with his buckle.

"No problem. I'd much rather have you naked as soon as possible. I don't even need to take my pants off to have my way with you."

She giggled. Now there was a thought. The way he had touched her in the limo made her entertain the idea of having sex with him fully clothed, somewhere public. His years of experience in concealing his affairs might as well be put to some good use. Ellie had been strictly vanilla all her life, but she was certain he was going to be the one to introduce her to a whole lot of firsts.

She purred delighted when he bent down and started suckling her nipples. Oh, yes, he had to be the one to introduce her to her first sexual experience in the back seat of a car. An image of their car stopped on the side of the road to her parents' New Hampshire house flashed through her mind. She had spent many nights with such fantasies during their long, almost platonic engagement. The wave of moisture brought by these thoughts drenched John's fingers.

"Please take off your clothes," she whispered, giving up her semblance of self control.

"I love it when you ask me nicely," he said, raising his head. "OK, I'll do you this favor."

She wanted to say something witty, but she couldn't think of anything looking at him, casually stripping off his pants.

"Thank you," she said, dreamily.

God he was fit! And the phrase "for his age" didn't even cross her mind. He was absolutely gorgeous. She had seen him in pictures and he had always been a handsome man, but he had gotten so much better. There was something about him lately… oh, yeah, she smiled, licking her lips, he had less and less clothes on.

……………

* * *

……………

* * *

"God, what are you doing to me, John?" 

He retreated again, and lowered himself on top of her. The next time he sheathed himself fully into her, Ellie wrapped her legs around his waist. The warm weight of his body was pressing her deliciously into the bed. He continued thrusting gently into her. Ellie smiled when she caressed his back. She trailed her fingers through the film of sweat that covered him, pleased to realize that his self control came with a heavy prize.

She had forgotten her question when he answered.

"I'm loving you."

She opened her eyes instantly only to be swept into his fiery blue gaze. All of a sudden her eyes filled with tears. John murmured her name like a prayer as he dried with his mouth the ones that fell on her face.

"I love you so much," she managed to whisper.

"Sweet God," he groaned.

His thrusts were no longer gentle and Ellie's release came with glorious intensity. She was still convulsing around him when he surrender his control and exploded inside her.

* * *

As I said, the full chapter is here: 

http/ adultfan. nexcess. net /aff/ authors. php?no10892

Please leave a review if you read it. Even if it's to say it was unnecessary smut.

Thanks,

Abra


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